What I learned about my Role while taking a break from it

My mother is the most selfless person on the earth, so I have been taught through example that my role is to serve my husband, 5 children, and everyone around me, never to do something self-serving. So I have been a little reluctant to mention this because I was embarrassed that I would leave my husband and children at home to go on a cruise with my sisters! It all began when I received an email from my sister C (who I now know was inspired to invite me!). She and my sister A had already been planning a cruise together and put it out there that I was invited if I could possibly find a way to break away from real life for an extended weekend. It was a crazy, out-there idea, but I felt more and more drawn to the idea, realized that I was finally in a place in my life where it might actually be possible (for our 4th sister, it would have been impossible at this time), and began to pursue it by asking what my husband thought of it. He was totally on board and encouraged me to go.

I probably made things too easy for them while I was gone, so I may have cheated them out of a better learning experience and didn't help them to appreciate me any better :) I set up a complete schedule of exactly what to eat, who was doing the dishes, and where and when to go where. They didn't have to do any laundry and cooking consisted of throwing a pizza or fish sticks in the oven. So I suppose I was sort of fulfilling a small part of my role while I was gone. They were all in once piece when I got home and the worst thing that happened was just that my six-year-old gave his part in the Primary Program without his hair being combed. (could have been worse!) When I got home, I asked everyone what they missed most about me being gone (maybe this was a mistake). Of course the 17-year-old answer was "good food", but what else is on a teenage boys mind? My youngest missed "my hugs and kisses at night", apparently something a father cannot substitute. D said it "just felt chaotic", so I'm glad that my organization is appreciated at least my most organized child. C said he "just missed ME" which was hard for him to explain, but I think he just meant that he likes to have me here to listen and talk to. My husband claims he just missed "ME" too. No one said they missed the house being vacuumed and dusted, no one missed me taxi-driving them around to their activities, no one even missed me fixing them breakfast and lunches and getting them out the door to school in the morning (which I was very nervous about the 9 and 6-year-olds doing this on their own). I hope I can learn from this that it's more important for me to go kiss them goodnight rather than get the dishes done or be here for them to talk to when they get home from school rather than off working or the store. I learned what parts of my role they truly need the most, which may include cooking great food if that happens to be their love language!

So was I able to relax and have fun on the cruise? YES!! I felt like I was able to reconnect with my sisters and we had some great conversations, buoying each other up in our very different circumstances of life. I remember feeling at many times when my children were very young that my own identity had been completely swallowed up by the needs of my family. Just recently have I been remembering and feeling my own identity coming back out as I finally feel like my head is above water as my kids have grown out of the very needy ages. I was able to focus on who I am and who I want to become. I enjoyed great food that I didn't have to make or wash dishes from, and I rarely even felt guilty about it! We got to meet and befriend many people who weren't members of our church (which normally is a rare occasion for this Kaysville, UT member). We were able to enjoy the ruins of Tulum from an LDS perspective and see real buildings likely built by descendants of the Book of Mormon people. I got to sing karaoke, learn the Gangman style dance, rock climb, learned the art of napkin folding, and ran 6 miles on the deck of a moving cruise ship. Most of all I learned that there is more to my "role" than serving my husband, children, and in my church calling. Serving and watching my children progress brings me great happiness, but I learned I deserve and can find happiness and joy in other ways too.

Thanks so much to my awesome sisters, who were fun, adventurous, and loving traveling companions! I love them so much and learned a lot from their examples and life experiences!