A very common misnomer about LDS women is that we try to be (or at least to look) perfect. I think the truth is that we love to hear other women talk about their struggles and imperfections. Then we realize we are actually all so similar in that we all have struggles and we don't have to try to pretend to be perfect. We connect with one another when we share "real" feelings and lift one another up as we learn. I have been "attending" a wonderful online meeting each week with other LDS women from all over the country. They are such a strength and great example to me. I am learning so much, especially about myself.
One principle that I have learned is that Satan tempts men, but he TORMENTS women. He maybe tries to tempt us with the typical things and has very little success. But what he has become very skilled at is really getting to us, telling us lies, having us believe them and continually reminding and showing us where we have gone wrong and what we lack. He loves for us to blame ourselves, tell ourselves that we can't change, and make us feel powerless. I am learning to recognize Satan's lies that he is so good at telling women. When I realize that what I am thinking is actually a lie Satan is telling me, I can basically say "I see you, Satan", combat his lie with Truth, and tell him to get lost. Now I can be so much more powerful, realizing it's not people I'm fighting, but Satan. We all have our own battles, women usually much different from men, but we can fight them in the same way. with the Savior.
One lie Satan tells me constantly is that I have no business writing this blog. I really don't have any writing skills, have nothing important to say, what can I say to others when I don't have things all figured out myself, and no one will read it anyway. This may not be far from the truth, but I realize that it's Satan who is tormenting me with these self-doubts, trying to make sure I don't write. My Instructor in this Online Training says that Satan does not want us to pick up our pen. That scary to him because it helps us work out our "mess". So even if no one reads this, I am benefiting myself and I am showing Satan I am powerful against him.
My online training suggests that in order to be victorious in our battles with Satan, we need to create spiritual rituals to draw us closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ, which include asking yourself and writing answers to these questions:
1) What am I fighting for?
2) Why do I fight?
3) Why don't I just give up?
I love the visualization of having actual battles with Satan and being victorious because of whose team I am on. These questions motivate me and remind me why I'm fighting Satan so that I can recognize and combat his tormenting.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
What I learned about my Role while taking a break from it
I probably made things too easy for them while I was gone, so I may have cheated them out of a better learning experience and didn't help them to appreciate me any better :) I set up a complete schedule of exactly what to eat, who was doing the dishes, and where and when to go where. They didn't have to do any laundry and cooking consisted of throwing a pizza or fish sticks in the oven. So I suppose I was sort of fulfilling a small part of my role while I was gone. They were all in once piece when I got home and the worst thing that happened was just that my six-year-old gave his part in the Primary Program without his hair being combed. (could have been worse!) When I got home, I asked everyone what they missed most about me being gone (maybe this was a mistake). Of course the 17-year-old answer was "good food", but what else is on a teenage boys mind? My youngest missed "my hugs and kisses at night", apparently something a father cannot substitute. D said it "just felt chaotic", so I'm glad that my organization is appreciated at least my most organized child. C said he "just missed ME" which was hard for him to explain, but I think he just meant that he likes to have me here to listen and talk to. My husband claims he just missed "ME" too. No one said they missed the house being vacuumed and dusted, no one missed me taxi-driving them around to their activities, no one even missed me fixing them breakfast and lunches and getting them out the door to school in the morning (which I was very nervous about the 9 and 6-year-olds doing this on their own). I hope I can learn from this that it's more important for me to go kiss them goodnight rather than get the dishes done or be here for them to talk to when they get home from school rather than off working or the store. I learned what parts of my role they truly need the most, which may include cooking great food if that happens to be their love language!
So was I able to relax and have fun on the cruise? YES!! I felt like I was able to reconnect with my sisters and we had some great conversations, buoying each other up in our very different circumstances of life. I remember feeling at many times when my children were very young that my own identity had been completely swallowed up by the needs of my family. Just recently have I been remembering and feeling my own identity coming back out as I finally feel like my head is above water as my kids have grown out of the very needy ages. I was able to focus on who I am and who I want to become. I enjoyed great food that I didn't have to make or wash dishes from, and I rarely even felt guilty about it! We got to meet and befriend many people who weren't members of our church (which normally is a rare occasion for this Kaysville, UT member). We were able to enjoy the ruins of Tulum from an LDS perspective and see real buildings likely built by descendants of the Book of Mormon people. I got to sing karaoke, learn the Gangman style dance, rock climb, learned the art of napkin folding, and ran 6 miles on the deck of a moving cruise ship. Most of all I learned that there is more to my "role" than serving my husband, children, and in my church calling. Serving and watching my children progress brings me great happiness, but I learned I deserve and can find happiness and joy in other ways too.
Thanks so much to my awesome sisters, who were fun, adventurous, and loving traveling companions! I love them so much and learned a lot from their examples and life experiences!
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Porn-Proofing our Children
We need to prepare them for the confusing and probably conflicting feelings they will have when (not if) they are first exposed to porn. They need to know how their brain works, what to do, and decide for themselves what they will do when they are accidentally exposed. Porn is more addictive than most drugs, and usually only takes that second look before their brain rewires itself to seek out more.
I feel very lucky to have stumbled upon this fantastic book- "Good Pictures, Bad Pictures"! It is a picture book, designed to read along with your 7 to 12-year-old child. It uses the comfortable setting of a mother and son enjoying a family photo album and models a conversation that teaches a simple definition of pornography (even for kids who have not yet learned the detail of sex). Chapter by chapter, kids learn about addiction and their "two brains" and how one of them can be tricked by viewing pornography, while the other can take control and prevent addiction.
I am passionate about this topic right now, as I know this is Satan's most powerful tool in destroying children and families. However, I have not done the best job at talking openly with my children on this topic, and it needs to be done! My husband and I read it with our 9-year-old and 12-year-old and thought it was perfect in teaching them what they needed to protect themselves and also helped us open the communication with them. It really helps open up a great conversation that I don't feel super comfortable starting on my own.
If you are my neighbor, I'd be happy to loan you my copy of the book. You can also buy it on Amazon for $12.49 or check it out from your local library.
Please share your thoughts and ideas along this topic. I know we need all the help we can get in fighting Satan and this powerful weapon he is using against our children!
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Other General Conference Gems
I have enjoyed reading others thoughts and aha moments from Conference. My favorite is this awesome sister who shares her experience of getting back on and "Staying in the Old Ship Zion". It seems like I hear of so many who are getting off the Ship, it's wonderful to hear about a family who made such an effort to get back on the ship! Her story illustrates the power of a woman, wife, and mother for good. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
What General Conference taught about our role
We have an entire session of Conference especially geared toward women, as do the men have a session especially for them. I just want to touch briefly on what I learned from that session before talking about the little gems for us in the General Sessions.
I feel like the theme of the Women's meeting was about Temple preparation and making and keeping our covenants joyfully. Some of my favorite thoughts were:
* We need to prepare our homes to be a place where the Spirit can dwell.
* Where much is required, much more will be given.
* We need more faith and light from Women! We need to vibrant and enthusiastic beacons of the gospel.
* Memorizing the Living Christ can help us keep our Sacramental covenant to remember Him.
* The best way to strengthen our home is to keep our covenants.
* Fear, sin, and doubt are like umbrellas keeping us from receiving the rain of blessings from God.
* God acknowledges and cherishes your small successes.
In the Saturday morning session, I loved Elder Wong's talk where he told a modern day twist on the story of the man with palsy being brought to Jesus. There were 4 people given the assignment to help this man, one of them being a Relief Society sister. Elder Wong said that her role would have included 1) reminding the others to be careful, 2) giving them words of encouragement, and 3) giving comfort to the sick man. He also spoke about all four must work carefully together in harmony and do well in their coordination to help the man reach Jesus. This was such a wonderful allegory in helping us understand our role as women in the gospel!
I was comforted to hear the part about reminding the men to be careful. I have always been a worrier, probably much too overprotective and practical, so I'm glad to know that is really actually part of my role! It is okay for me to worry a little and remind the people in my life to be careful and help to prepare them for the dangers they might encounter. I of course need to make sure my worry does not become fear, because fear is the opposite of faith, but am comforted to know that part of my nature is part of my role as a woman disciple of Christ.
Giving words of encouragement and words of comfort are also already a innate part of our woman's nature. We just need to cultivate those talents and use them in bringing ourselves, our families and others to Christ. Those jobs were just as important in bringing the man with palsy to Christ as the job to physically carry him up to the roof, just different. Elder Wong emphasized that it took the cooperation of all 4 of those assigned working in harmony with each other to accomplish their assignment.
Elder Eyring's story about the woman whose husband was called as a temple sealer was also a powerful example of an LDS woman. She felt inadequate to be his temple companion because her worldly knowledge was lacking as she could not read and write. He emphasized to her that she had things revealed to her beyond all earthly education, she had confirmed to her mind and heart through revelation from God, and she knew without having to be told by any living witness that her husband was called of God through a prophet to do the Lord's work in the Temple. This is the kind of knowledge we should strive for, rather than the worldly knowledge she was worried about not having.
Sister Carol McConkie's talk (among several others) about following the prophet showed a beautiful, strong example of how we do not follow blindly and are not asked to blindly follow our leaders. We CHOOSE to follow our prophet. We are encouraged to ask for ourselves, just as Joseph Smith did. She said we have a choice of what we now do with the words of God delivered through his prophets. "The words taught from these pulpits are words of comfort, love, strength, and good cheer. . . that will embrace us all." I am so grateful for all of their words. The Spirit bore witness to me of their truthfulness many times, and several things I need to work on were brought to my attention. I felt embraced by these words of comfort, love, strength, and good cheer!
I feel like the theme of the Women's meeting was about Temple preparation and making and keeping our covenants joyfully. Some of my favorite thoughts were:
* We need to prepare our homes to be a place where the Spirit can dwell.
* Where much is required, much more will be given.
* We need more faith and light from Women! We need to vibrant and enthusiastic beacons of the gospel.
* Memorizing the Living Christ can help us keep our Sacramental covenant to remember Him.
* The best way to strengthen our home is to keep our covenants.
* Fear, sin, and doubt are like umbrellas keeping us from receiving the rain of blessings from God.
* God acknowledges and cherishes your small successes.
In the Saturday morning session, I loved Elder Wong's talk where he told a modern day twist on the story of the man with palsy being brought to Jesus. There were 4 people given the assignment to help this man, one of them being a Relief Society sister. Elder Wong said that her role would have included 1) reminding the others to be careful, 2) giving them words of encouragement, and 3) giving comfort to the sick man. He also spoke about all four must work carefully together in harmony and do well in their coordination to help the man reach Jesus. This was such a wonderful allegory in helping us understand our role as women in the gospel!
I was comforted to hear the part about reminding the men to be careful. I have always been a worrier, probably much too overprotective and practical, so I'm glad to know that is really actually part of my role! It is okay for me to worry a little and remind the people in my life to be careful and help to prepare them for the dangers they might encounter. I of course need to make sure my worry does not become fear, because fear is the opposite of faith, but am comforted to know that part of my nature is part of my role as a woman disciple of Christ.
Giving words of encouragement and words of comfort are also already a innate part of our woman's nature. We just need to cultivate those talents and use them in bringing ourselves, our families and others to Christ. Those jobs were just as important in bringing the man with palsy to Christ as the job to physically carry him up to the roof, just different. Elder Wong emphasized that it took the cooperation of all 4 of those assigned working in harmony with each other to accomplish their assignment.
Elder Eyring's story about the woman whose husband was called as a temple sealer was also a powerful example of an LDS woman. She felt inadequate to be his temple companion because her worldly knowledge was lacking as she could not read and write. He emphasized to her that she had things revealed to her beyond all earthly education, she had confirmed to her mind and heart through revelation from God, and she knew without having to be told by any living witness that her husband was called of God through a prophet to do the Lord's work in the Temple. This is the kind of knowledge we should strive for, rather than the worldly knowledge she was worried about not having.
Sister Carol McConkie's talk (among several others) about following the prophet showed a beautiful, strong example of how we do not follow blindly and are not asked to blindly follow our leaders. We CHOOSE to follow our prophet. We are encouraged to ask for ourselves, just as Joseph Smith did. She said we have a choice of what we now do with the words of God delivered through his prophets. "The words taught from these pulpits are words of comfort, love, strength, and good cheer. . . that will embrace us all." I am so grateful for all of their words. The Spirit bore witness to me of their truthfulness many times, and several things I need to work on were brought to my attention. I felt embraced by these words of comfort, love, strength, and good cheer!
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Be of Good Cheer, For I will Lead You Along. . .As You Love and Teach Your Children
My good friend, Karene Warby, gave this workshop at our Farmington, Utah Oakridge Stake Women's Conference last week. It gives scriptural examples of how we should define our role as mothers. It is so fabulous, I fully expect the folks at BYU Education Week to be contacting her to do a class for them next summer. Enjoy!
D&C 78:18 states: “...Be of Good Cheer for I [the Lord] will lead you along”. Isn’t this a great scripture and a great topic for a Women’s Conference?! Thank you to the Stake Relief Society Presidency for their inspired selection of this theme. I feel this message is one we need to hear in our rather negative world today. So I’d like to take a moment (and I hope it won’t be redundant), to share with you some insights and thoughts I have had regarding this theme.
First of all, the Lord truly leads us along in our lives. As I have prepared for this workshop today, I feel like He led me along. The Lord would give me a thought or place me where I would hear something that pertained to this subject. I acknowledge His Hand in the details of this workshop and pray that He will be pleased with the way I organize and articulate it. “Be of Good Cheer” is a statement that is found in a several places in the scriptures. In addition to this one found in D&C 78, one of my favorites is found in D&C 61. This revelation was given to Joseph Smith a year after the church was organized and at a time when the Church was experiencing great opposition. The Lord said “...Be of Good Cheer, little children, for I am in your midst and I have not forsaken you.” It sounds to me like a Father giving encouragement to his children. What a sweet and tender thought!
Our current prophet, President Thomas S. Monson has said “Be of Good Cheer, the future is as bright as your faith.” So how bright is your faith?! This statement has made me pause and evaluate my faith. However, I feel encouraged by this statement as it comes from one whom we regard as a ‘seer’ or ‘see-er’ of the future,
In the last General Conference, President Henry B. Eyring—who serves as a counselor to Pres Monson—said this:
‘I have seen ...as a counselor to two living prophets of God [that]...they are individuals with unique personalities. Yet they seem to share a consistent optimism...When someone raises an alarm about something in the church, their most frequent response is “Oh things will work out.”...They know the way of the Lord, and so they are always hopeful about His Kingdom. They know He is at the head. He is all-powerful and He cares. If you let Him be the leader of your family, things will work out.’
Let me reiterate—if you let Him be the leader of your family, things will work out. If we follow the prophet’s example here, we need not worry about things in our lives. We can share our prophet’s optimism and be positive in a negative world. How do we do this? We have faith! We believe He is the head of our lives and no matter what might knock us down, we keep on trying ‘cheerfully’. When I struggle feeling upbeat in hard times, I turn to D&C 123:17.
This scripture was written by Joseph Smith while he was imprisoned in Liberty Jail and the Saints were enduring lots of persecution. Although they had great reason to be down, he said “... let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power: and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God and for His arm to be revealed.”
This is the message I hope you will hear loud today. We need to be of Good Cheer, to be Positive, to have faith and to allow him to lead us along. If we do so, we will see His arm revealed AND things will work out.
So let’s discuss being of good cheer......as you love and teach your children. We live in a time when we have access to years of instructions from prophets and apostles regarding how to raise our families. I encourage you to tap into this resource as you look for answers to parenting practices. Let me share with you three talks that I have found: First in 1995, President Gordon B. Hinckley gave a talk in the Relief Society Broadcast entitled “Stand Strong Against the Wiles of the World”. (This talk happens to be the one where they issued the proclamation on the Family). In this talk, Pres. Hinckley takes time to distinctly address women in all their different phases of life and circumstances. He said ‘To the wives and mothers who work to maintain stable homes where there is an environment of love and respect and appreciation. I say, the Lord bless you’. Then Pres. Hinckley gave a long list of advice for us—the wives and mothers. I gleaned a lot from his advice so I wanted to share it with you. I hope we can digest them enough to apply them in our lives. He said ‘Regardless of your circumstances:
• Walk in faith (haven’t we just talked about having faith and being positive)
• Rear your children in light and truth
• Teach them to pray and read the scriptures while they are young
• Teach your sons to honor womanhood
• Teach your daughters to walk in virtue
• Set an example for them of service and love for others (this may be counter-intuitive. Giving time to others takes away time for our children. However if we include them in our service, we will find they will learn the principle of service).
• Encourage your children to read more and watch television less (This counsel was given almost 20 years ago. I think today he would counsel to have less screen time).
• Teach them to have respect for their elders
• Set high standards for them that includes hard work at school and off-hours responsibilities
• Do not over indulge them (this is a biggie especially in our neighborhoods when it is easy to do so. He counsels us to not do it!) He said “Let them grow up with respect for and understanding of the meaning of labor, of working and contributing to the home and its surroundings, with some way of earning some of their own expense money. Let your sons save for missions, and encourage them to prepare themselves, not only financially, but spiritually and in an attitude to go out and serve the Lord without selfishness of any kind. I do not hesitate to promise that if you will do so, you will have reason to count your He promises that if we raise our children with love and high expectations, then ‘the more likely that there will be peace in their lives.’ This statement stood out to me. When I put more expectation on my kids, neither of us feel any peace. It is a battle to encourage high standards, but this prophet claims it is worth it. With all the tumult and confusion going on in the world today, our children will need ‘peace’ in their lives to stand strong. If we take Pres. Hinckley’s advice, I suspect we will also have great success.
Next--in 2010, Elder L. Tom Perry also provided great advice for mothers in his conference
talk. But rather than listening to me tell it, you can listen to him on a short video clip from his Watch ‘Mothers Teaching Children in the Home’ by Elder L Tom Perry. Elder Perry has many great points in this talk but I would like to emphasize the focus he put on “conscientious, persistent, daily parenting”. He claimed that it is ‘among the most powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world.’ We’ve heard this before—consistency is important in parenting. A simple thing like ‘daily parenting’ can be a force for good in a negative world.
Then three months ago, the Church Headquarters held their annual Worldwide Auxiliary Training. These trainings are always a good way to see what concerns our General Authorities have for the Church. This year, the focus was Learning and Teaching in the Home and in the Church. I found this interesting because this topic goes right along with my workshop today. This is evidence to me that our Stake leaders are ‘spot on’ with their selection of this theme. In this training, the General Authorities clarified the difference between learning and teaching. We as parents have an obligation to teach our children—almost a burden sometimes. We do a pretty good job at teaching. Learning, on the other hand, is different than just teaching. Learning is what we do together. If we change our approach from teaching our children to learning with our children, then we, as parents, will have humility and we will find the spirit present. It is the
Holy Spirit that is the real teacher in our lives as well as our children’s. A few weeks ago after I had just finished listening to this training, I was putting my youngest to bed and chose to sing her ‘Teach Me to Walk in the Light’. I have sung this hymn since I was a child, but had not recognized this principle of ‘learning’ written in its lyrics. The first verse of this hymn is written as if a child is talking to a parent. It says:
Teach me to walk in the light of His love
Teach me to pray to my Father above
Teach me to know all the things that are right
Teach me, teach me, to walk in the Light.
The second verse is written as if a parent is speaking back to the child. It says:
Come, little child and together we’ll learn
Of His commandments that we may return
Home to His presence to live in His sight
Always, always, to walk in the Light.
There are some valuable blessings to be had if we take time to learn with our children rather than to simply teach them. Of course, many of you already know that most of the time in parenting, we are not always the ones who are teaching. It is our children who teach us. Interestingly, not long after I accepted the assignment to give this workshop I got into a huge fight with one of my kids. In my efforts to ‘teach’ my child, I did not feel very much cheer or love. I felt discouraged as a mother. I felt low and so I also felt terribly inadequate and under qualified to teach this workshop. I felt they should have called someone else who is better at cheer and love than I am. However, this was a moment for me to learn. My Heavenly Father taught me through a couple of his tender mercies. They came through the means of other people. Let me share a little of what happened.
One of my tender mercies came through my mom. She sent me an article written by another discouraged mother whose name is Kimberly Eyre. She said: “[We] are imperfect and so [are] our families. [We] mess up, let others down and fall short...One of the best messages of the gospel is that we can start over. We can try again to be a better ...parent, to make a better ...family.” “We need other women in our lives ...who can give us validation that ‘You’re doing just fine’, ‘I know it’s hard’, ‘Keep up the good work’.”
So it was with my other tender mercy. As I was struggling with my inadequacy as a mother, I had a really hard morning getting the kids out the door to school. After my older children had left, I had a knock on my door. It was a neighbor whom we’ve adopted as ‘grandma’. Although she stopped for something trivial, her timing couldn’t have been more perfect. She gave me good cheer and filled me up with optimism. Oh how we need one other.
These tender mercies helped me realize and remember that Satan’s tools are discouragement and pessimism. I was giving in to Satan’s plan. It knew this was a lesson I needed to learn and that I needed to share it with you today. I learned to be positive in a negative world we do not need to be perfect to be righteous.
And so it is true if we are ‘...of Good Cheer, then the Lord will lead [us] along’... I needed to trust in him, and let him guide me there. So as I have prepared for this workshop, I have--felt impressed—guided-- lead along if you may-- to turn to the scriptures which are filled with stories of mothers who were not perfect but were righteous. I have found there are applications in the lives of women who lived in another time but that we can apply to our lives today.
First, we must start with the Eve--‘the Mother of All Living’. Have you ever wondered why she is called ‘mother’ before she even had offspring. Sister Sheri Dew answered this when she said, “Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born... Motherhood is more than bearing children... It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.” We learn from Eve that we have a divine role to play on earth.
Another lesson we learn is that Eve was created because ‘it [was] not good for man to be alone’. From this, we can know that neither does God want us to face things alone. As we raise our children in righteousness, we have help! We always have the Spirit. We also have instructions from prophets and apostles to lean on. We have the scriptures to turn to. We have one another. We might also have husbands to share the responsibility of raising children. But if not, the Lord is aware of us. We are never alone.
We also know that Eve was the first to partake of the forbidden fruit. By so doing, Adam and Eve were cast from the Garden. They were cast from their world of bliss and placed into a world filled with ‘thorns and thistles and noxious weeds’. The world may view Eve’s action as a mistake. I am grateful that our church does not. Eve had determined that they could not progress unless they could learn good from evil. Eve teaches that sometimes we have to follow our impressions and take the hard road. In Moses 5:11, Eve said “Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed and never should have known good and evil, AND the joy of our redemption and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.” Sometimes we, as mothers, need to do the same. Doing the hard thing is not easy but just as Eve learned, if we do so then will we know the ‘joy’ that only God can give.
Through Eve’s experience, we learn that it is through our own experience that we may learn the good from the evil. I guess one way to say this is that sometimes we have to experience bad motherhood to know what it means to be good. Making mistakes is part of the plan as long as we learn from them.
Next, we need to include the woman our Heavenly Father chose to mother His Only Begotten. We need to talk about Mary, the mother of Jesus. The scriptures say that Mary had ‘found favour with God’. Have you ever wondered how you can ‘find favor with God’?! I have, so when the stake YM/YW performed ‘Savior of the World' in June, I received some insight. I loved their interpretation of Mary’s character. She was willing to submit to God’s plan without needing to understand it. As mothers, we should remember that God has a vested interest in our families and in our children. He knows our children better than we do. If we submit to God’s plan for our children, we will need to let go of knowing all the answers and trust in God.
And it was Mary who said ‘Behold the Handmaiden of the Lord’ and the ‘Lord hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden’. She was humble and teachable. Sometimes as mothers, we need to change our ways and be taught—by the Lord and by our children. My wise mom uses a phrase to help me decipher when it is time to change my ways. She asks ‘Is this a power struggle?’ That helps me know if I am being humble or if I just have to be right.
Lastly, Mary would ‘ponder things in her heart’ and allow the Lord to mold her. There is great strength in pondering over the events and spiritual experiences of our lives. When I ponder, I lean upon the Lord more and feel him guide me more. There are some great examples of mothers in the Book of Mormon. Sariah, mother of Nephi and Sam, is the first we read about. She showed great faith as she traded her home in Jerusalem for a tent in the wilderness. She supported her husband and probably played part in convincing Laman and Lemuel to come with them into the wilderness. However, we also know she complained when she was concerned about her children who had returned to Jerusalem for the plates. We learn from Sariah that in life, we will face trials, but we must not murmur. President Uchtdorf , in the recent Conference, reiterated this. He said: “Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see but which are true...True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life and trusting that one day we will.” If your trials come through your family, it is part of God’s plan for you. Be grateful and show faith, hope.
An amazing group of mothers in the Book of Mormon was the mothers who raised the stripling warriors. If we reflect on their whole story, we know these were the wives of the Ammonites that buried their weapons of war. They showed great faith as they supported their husbands going out to meet their enemy, defenseless. Although many of them widowed, these mothers raised their children in righteousness. The scriptures state that their sons [and we assume their daughters] were ‘firm and undaunted...that they did obey and observe to perform every command with exactness’. And... ‘they did put their trust in God continually’ (Alma 57:20-21, 27). We know that these mothers—many single mothers--did offer their young sons to go to battle.
‘[These sons] did not fear death but thought more upon the liberty of their fathers [and mothers]’ and they knew that ‘God would deliver them’ (Alma 56:47). They said to their commander ‘we do not doubt our mothers knew it’ (Alma 56:48). Sisters, the greatest gift we can give our children next to the gift of life is to share our testimony and to teach our children with great faith. The Prophet Joseph Smith said that the purpose of parenthood is to ‘stir up the faith of our children... to feel after God’ (Lectures on Faith 2).
Turning to modern scripture—the Doctrine & Covenants, we have the example of Emma Smith, wife of the Prophet Joseph Smith. In a revelation to Emma, the Lord praises her for ‘being faithful and walking in the paths of virtue’ and he calls her an ‘elect lady’ (D&C 25). He counsels her to ‘lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better’ (v. 10). This advice is applicable for us. We all know what ‘things of the world’ that take our time away from becoming women and mothers who walk in paths of virtue. Sisters—we cannot take these things with us. We must lay them aside and seek things of a better world. These are things that we can take with us. The Lord also instructs Emma (and us) to ‘lift up thy heart and rejoice and cleave unto the covenants which [she] had made’ (v.13). If we ‘lift up our hearts’, we are--in other words-- ‘being of good cheer’. We can be a positive force for good. The Lord instructs us that we can be positive if we ‘cleave to our covenants’ made at baptism and at the temple.
The women in the scriptures are excellent examples of mothers who were not perfect but were righteous. Their stories give us tools on how we can be strong mothers in our day. Here is a quick synopsis of the applications I have found in these stories. (Perhaps you have picked up on As Mothers we need to:
• Recognize our divine role as mothers
• Remember you are not alone (Spirit, husbands, church leaders, friends, neighbors)
• Trust your impressions, do the hard thing
• Learn from your own experiences, good and bad
• Be humble, teachable, & willing to submit to God’s plan (even if taught by our children)
• Ponder things in your heart
• As you face trials, do not murmur (Be grateful in your circumstances)
• In addition to the gift of life, give the gift of testimony and great faith
• Lay aside the things of the world and seek the things of a better (spend less time on ????)
• Cleave unto your covenants made at baptism and at the temple
I am grateful for the stories in the scriptures and the messages contained in them. We are so fortunate to live in a time when we have scriptures so accessible to us. The scriptures are tools for us to help us through this life. I feel that someday we will be accountable for how well we used the resources made available to us. I love the women in the scriptures. They are so real to me. I look forward to the day when I can meet them and thank them for the examples they gave me to help me become a righteous After putting this bullet list together, I thought of a picture my parents gave me years before I was a wife or mother. It is called the ‘Responsible Woman’ by James C. Christensen. As you can see, this woman is ‘responsible’ and has a load to carry. On her back, she carries her many responsibilities and talents such as homemaking, music, art, and education. Included with these is a compass by which she can determine how to prioritize her responsibilities. She carries a clock that has no hands to show she gives of herself endlessly. Nestled in her arms—close to her heart, she carries a baby. This woman carries before her a candle of light. She even has a reserve of candles because she is responsible throughout the night. Most importantly, she looks optimistically forward in her responsibilities being led by light or inspiration from God. This picture currently resides in my ‘laundry/sewing/project’ room. I put it there because it lifts me when I feel my duties piling high. It reminds me to put things in perspective. One of my favorite parts of this picture is how the baby is placed in front of her—nestled next to her heart. The baby is not placed on her back with her other ‘responsibilities’.
This part of the picture is important to me because of an experience I had. When my children were younger, I had a dream that I regard as the Lord’s counsel to me. In my dream, my children and I were at a park with a merry-go-round (the kind you push around and around). We went over to the merry-go-round, my children got on, and I started pushing. As I pushed, I noticed my children getting older and older, passing milestones in their lives. The merry-go-round got faster and faster and I realized that I would not be able to get on and join my kids. I was too preoccupied in doing the mundane task of pushing the merry-go-round. I woke up from this dream saddened that I was not enjoying the ride of life with my children. The Lord was telling me to put my children next to my heart and not carry them on my back.
Another experience I felt I needed to share was something that happened this past summer. It was the second week out of school. We had moved past the chaos of everything goes and we were back into a semi-regular routine. I was trying to implement a summer work schedule with fun rewards when they finished their jobs. After a tiresome week, we were all grumpy and the jobs weren’t done. I wasn’t feeling much love for them or from them. In my frustration, I got on my knees and kind of complained to God. Then a thought came into my head that I don’t think could have come from me. I felt more than thought we needed to remember why we love one another. We needed to have fun together again. In a way, it was like I needed to ‘court or date’ my children again. It was a good reminder that although I am the ‘responsible woman’, there is a time for all things. We needed to put aside the work, shut the doors to friends, and just have fun as a family. Although the work wasn’t done, we played games in our pajamas til late afternoon. It helped us love one another again and a positive/cheerful spirit returned to our home.
Sisters it is important that despite our heavy load—we are not too hard on ourselves. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland called Motherhood—‘an Eternal Partnership with God’. What a excellent description of motherhood. Elder Holland gave us a few more things to think about. Here is another video clip:
Watch ‘Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God’
I should have warned you to bring out the Kleenex for that one. I seem to always cry during this video because I have felt as the young mother in this clip. Perhaps many of you have felt that way too. Motherhood is hard. It is unheralded and unappreciated work. However, Elder Holland reminds us that it is worth it. His words encourage me to ‘be of good cheer...as I love and teach my And so we must. In the Primary song ‘The Family is of God’, the chorus states: ‘God gave us Families to help us become what he wants us to be.’ Our families provide a way for us to discover our strengths and weaknesses. There is no other place than in a home with a family that we can learn such things as service, unselfishness, compassion, repentance, forgiveness, love and charity. God wants us to discover and refine these divine attributes. Families are the tools that mold us into the people God would have us be. And who does he want us to be? He has chosen us--saved us--to be mothers in this day—‘the last leg of a race that began with Adam and Eve’ (Sheri Dew). He knows we can be a powerful force for good in these turbulent times. As mothers, we can make a difference by the positive influence we can have in our children’s world. We are the ‘secret-weapon’ in God’s army. We can raise His Army to stand steadfast and to be strong in the Last days, in the final battle between Good and Evil. Once again, we need to be of Good Cheer, to be Positive, to have faith and to allow him to lead us along. If we do so, we will see His arm revealed AND things will work out. I testify to you that if you apply these teachings—taught to us from apostles, prophets, and righteous mothers in the scriptures, you shall know true joy and peace. I testify that you and your children will be blessed for generations to come. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
D&C 78:18 states: “...Be of Good Cheer for I [the Lord] will lead you along”. Isn’t this a great scripture and a great topic for a Women’s Conference?! Thank you to the Stake Relief Society Presidency for their inspired selection of this theme. I feel this message is one we need to hear in our rather negative world today. So I’d like to take a moment (and I hope it won’t be redundant), to share with you some insights and thoughts I have had regarding this theme.
First of all, the Lord truly leads us along in our lives. As I have prepared for this workshop today, I feel like He led me along. The Lord would give me a thought or place me where I would hear something that pertained to this subject. I acknowledge His Hand in the details of this workshop and pray that He will be pleased with the way I organize and articulate it. “Be of Good Cheer” is a statement that is found in a several places in the scriptures. In addition to this one found in D&C 78, one of my favorites is found in D&C 61. This revelation was given to Joseph Smith a year after the church was organized and at a time when the Church was experiencing great opposition. The Lord said “...Be of Good Cheer, little children, for I am in your midst and I have not forsaken you.” It sounds to me like a Father giving encouragement to his children. What a sweet and tender thought!
Our current prophet, President Thomas S. Monson has said “Be of Good Cheer, the future is as bright as your faith.” So how bright is your faith?! This statement has made me pause and evaluate my faith. However, I feel encouraged by this statement as it comes from one whom we regard as a ‘seer’ or ‘see-er’ of the future,
In the last General Conference, President Henry B. Eyring—who serves as a counselor to Pres Monson—said this:
‘I have seen ...as a counselor to two living prophets of God [that]...they are individuals with unique personalities. Yet they seem to share a consistent optimism...When someone raises an alarm about something in the church, their most frequent response is “Oh things will work out.”...They know the way of the Lord, and so they are always hopeful about His Kingdom. They know He is at the head. He is all-powerful and He cares. If you let Him be the leader of your family, things will work out.’
Let me reiterate—if you let Him be the leader of your family, things will work out. If we follow the prophet’s example here, we need not worry about things in our lives. We can share our prophet’s optimism and be positive in a negative world. How do we do this? We have faith! We believe He is the head of our lives and no matter what might knock us down, we keep on trying ‘cheerfully’. When I struggle feeling upbeat in hard times, I turn to D&C 123:17.
This scripture was written by Joseph Smith while he was imprisoned in Liberty Jail and the Saints were enduring lots of persecution. Although they had great reason to be down, he said “... let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power: and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God and for His arm to be revealed.”
This is the message I hope you will hear loud today. We need to be of Good Cheer, to be Positive, to have faith and to allow him to lead us along. If we do so, we will see His arm revealed AND things will work out.
So let’s discuss being of good cheer......as you love and teach your children. We live in a time when we have access to years of instructions from prophets and apostles regarding how to raise our families. I encourage you to tap into this resource as you look for answers to parenting practices. Let me share with you three talks that I have found: First in 1995, President Gordon B. Hinckley gave a talk in the Relief Society Broadcast entitled “Stand Strong Against the Wiles of the World”. (This talk happens to be the one where they issued the proclamation on the Family). In this talk, Pres. Hinckley takes time to distinctly address women in all their different phases of life and circumstances. He said ‘To the wives and mothers who work to maintain stable homes where there is an environment of love and respect and appreciation. I say, the Lord bless you’. Then Pres. Hinckley gave a long list of advice for us—the wives and mothers. I gleaned a lot from his advice so I wanted to share it with you. I hope we can digest them enough to apply them in our lives. He said ‘Regardless of your circumstances:
• Walk in faith (haven’t we just talked about having faith and being positive)
• Rear your children in light and truth
• Teach them to pray and read the scriptures while they are young
• Teach your sons to honor womanhood
• Teach your daughters to walk in virtue
• Set an example for them of service and love for others (this may be counter-intuitive. Giving time to others takes away time for our children. However if we include them in our service, we will find they will learn the principle of service).
• Encourage your children to read more and watch television less (This counsel was given almost 20 years ago. I think today he would counsel to have less screen time).
• Teach them to have respect for their elders
• Set high standards for them that includes hard work at school and off-hours responsibilities
• Do not over indulge them (this is a biggie especially in our neighborhoods when it is easy to do so. He counsels us to not do it!) He said “Let them grow up with respect for and understanding of the meaning of labor, of working and contributing to the home and its surroundings, with some way of earning some of their own expense money. Let your sons save for missions, and encourage them to prepare themselves, not only financially, but spiritually and in an attitude to go out and serve the Lord without selfishness of any kind. I do not hesitate to promise that if you will do so, you will have reason to count your He promises that if we raise our children with love and high expectations, then ‘the more likely that there will be peace in their lives.’ This statement stood out to me. When I put more expectation on my kids, neither of us feel any peace. It is a battle to encourage high standards, but this prophet claims it is worth it. With all the tumult and confusion going on in the world today, our children will need ‘peace’ in their lives to stand strong. If we take Pres. Hinckley’s advice, I suspect we will also have great success.
Next--in 2010, Elder L. Tom Perry also provided great advice for mothers in his conference
talk. But rather than listening to me tell it, you can listen to him on a short video clip from his Watch ‘Mothers Teaching Children in the Home’ by Elder L Tom Perry. Elder Perry has many great points in this talk but I would like to emphasize the focus he put on “conscientious, persistent, daily parenting”. He claimed that it is ‘among the most powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world.’ We’ve heard this before—consistency is important in parenting. A simple thing like ‘daily parenting’ can be a force for good in a negative world.
Then three months ago, the Church Headquarters held their annual Worldwide Auxiliary Training. These trainings are always a good way to see what concerns our General Authorities have for the Church. This year, the focus was Learning and Teaching in the Home and in the Church. I found this interesting because this topic goes right along with my workshop today. This is evidence to me that our Stake leaders are ‘spot on’ with their selection of this theme. In this training, the General Authorities clarified the difference between learning and teaching. We as parents have an obligation to teach our children—almost a burden sometimes. We do a pretty good job at teaching. Learning, on the other hand, is different than just teaching. Learning is what we do together. If we change our approach from teaching our children to learning with our children, then we, as parents, will have humility and we will find the spirit present. It is the
Holy Spirit that is the real teacher in our lives as well as our children’s. A few weeks ago after I had just finished listening to this training, I was putting my youngest to bed and chose to sing her ‘Teach Me to Walk in the Light’. I have sung this hymn since I was a child, but had not recognized this principle of ‘learning’ written in its lyrics. The first verse of this hymn is written as if a child is talking to a parent. It says:
Teach me to walk in the light of His love
Teach me to pray to my Father above
Teach me to know all the things that are right
Teach me, teach me, to walk in the Light.
The second verse is written as if a parent is speaking back to the child. It says:
Come, little child and together we’ll learn
Of His commandments that we may return
Home to His presence to live in His sight
Always, always, to walk in the Light.
There are some valuable blessings to be had if we take time to learn with our children rather than to simply teach them. Of course, many of you already know that most of the time in parenting, we are not always the ones who are teaching. It is our children who teach us. Interestingly, not long after I accepted the assignment to give this workshop I got into a huge fight with one of my kids. In my efforts to ‘teach’ my child, I did not feel very much cheer or love. I felt discouraged as a mother. I felt low and so I also felt terribly inadequate and under qualified to teach this workshop. I felt they should have called someone else who is better at cheer and love than I am. However, this was a moment for me to learn. My Heavenly Father taught me through a couple of his tender mercies. They came through the means of other people. Let me share a little of what happened.
One of my tender mercies came through my mom. She sent me an article written by another discouraged mother whose name is Kimberly Eyre. She said: “[We] are imperfect and so [are] our families. [We] mess up, let others down and fall short...One of the best messages of the gospel is that we can start over. We can try again to be a better ...parent, to make a better ...family.” “We need other women in our lives ...who can give us validation that ‘You’re doing just fine’, ‘I know it’s hard’, ‘Keep up the good work’.”
So it was with my other tender mercy. As I was struggling with my inadequacy as a mother, I had a really hard morning getting the kids out the door to school. After my older children had left, I had a knock on my door. It was a neighbor whom we’ve adopted as ‘grandma’. Although she stopped for something trivial, her timing couldn’t have been more perfect. She gave me good cheer and filled me up with optimism. Oh how we need one other.
These tender mercies helped me realize and remember that Satan’s tools are discouragement and pessimism. I was giving in to Satan’s plan. It knew this was a lesson I needed to learn and that I needed to share it with you today. I learned to be positive in a negative world we do not need to be perfect to be righteous.
And so it is true if we are ‘...of Good Cheer, then the Lord will lead [us] along’... I needed to trust in him, and let him guide me there. So as I have prepared for this workshop, I have--felt impressed—guided-- lead along if you may-- to turn to the scriptures which are filled with stories of mothers who were not perfect but were righteous. I have found there are applications in the lives of women who lived in another time but that we can apply to our lives today.
First, we must start with the Eve--‘the Mother of All Living’. Have you ever wondered why she is called ‘mother’ before she even had offspring. Sister Sheri Dew answered this when she said, “Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born... Motherhood is more than bearing children... It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.” We learn from Eve that we have a divine role to play on earth.
Another lesson we learn is that Eve was created because ‘it [was] not good for man to be alone’. From this, we can know that neither does God want us to face things alone. As we raise our children in righteousness, we have help! We always have the Spirit. We also have instructions from prophets and apostles to lean on. We have the scriptures to turn to. We have one another. We might also have husbands to share the responsibility of raising children. But if not, the Lord is aware of us. We are never alone.
We also know that Eve was the first to partake of the forbidden fruit. By so doing, Adam and Eve were cast from the Garden. They were cast from their world of bliss and placed into a world filled with ‘thorns and thistles and noxious weeds’. The world may view Eve’s action as a mistake. I am grateful that our church does not. Eve had determined that they could not progress unless they could learn good from evil. Eve teaches that sometimes we have to follow our impressions and take the hard road. In Moses 5:11, Eve said “Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed and never should have known good and evil, AND the joy of our redemption and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.” Sometimes we, as mothers, need to do the same. Doing the hard thing is not easy but just as Eve learned, if we do so then will we know the ‘joy’ that only God can give.
Through Eve’s experience, we learn that it is through our own experience that we may learn the good from the evil. I guess one way to say this is that sometimes we have to experience bad motherhood to know what it means to be good. Making mistakes is part of the plan as long as we learn from them.
Next, we need to include the woman our Heavenly Father chose to mother His Only Begotten. We need to talk about Mary, the mother of Jesus. The scriptures say that Mary had ‘found favour with God’. Have you ever wondered how you can ‘find favor with God’?! I have, so when the stake YM/YW performed ‘Savior of the World' in June, I received some insight. I loved their interpretation of Mary’s character. She was willing to submit to God’s plan without needing to understand it. As mothers, we should remember that God has a vested interest in our families and in our children. He knows our children better than we do. If we submit to God’s plan for our children, we will need to let go of knowing all the answers and trust in God.
And it was Mary who said ‘Behold the Handmaiden of the Lord’ and the ‘Lord hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden’. She was humble and teachable. Sometimes as mothers, we need to change our ways and be taught—by the Lord and by our children. My wise mom uses a phrase to help me decipher when it is time to change my ways. She asks ‘Is this a power struggle?’ That helps me know if I am being humble or if I just have to be right.
Lastly, Mary would ‘ponder things in her heart’ and allow the Lord to mold her. There is great strength in pondering over the events and spiritual experiences of our lives. When I ponder, I lean upon the Lord more and feel him guide me more. There are some great examples of mothers in the Book of Mormon. Sariah, mother of Nephi and Sam, is the first we read about. She showed great faith as she traded her home in Jerusalem for a tent in the wilderness. She supported her husband and probably played part in convincing Laman and Lemuel to come with them into the wilderness. However, we also know she complained when she was concerned about her children who had returned to Jerusalem for the plates. We learn from Sariah that in life, we will face trials, but we must not murmur. President Uchtdorf , in the recent Conference, reiterated this. He said: “Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see but which are true...True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life and trusting that one day we will.” If your trials come through your family, it is part of God’s plan for you. Be grateful and show faith, hope.
An amazing group of mothers in the Book of Mormon was the mothers who raised the stripling warriors. If we reflect on their whole story, we know these were the wives of the Ammonites that buried their weapons of war. They showed great faith as they supported their husbands going out to meet their enemy, defenseless. Although many of them widowed, these mothers raised their children in righteousness. The scriptures state that their sons [and we assume their daughters] were ‘firm and undaunted...that they did obey and observe to perform every command with exactness’. And... ‘they did put their trust in God continually’ (Alma 57:20-21, 27). We know that these mothers—many single mothers--did offer their young sons to go to battle.
‘[These sons] did not fear death but thought more upon the liberty of their fathers [and mothers]’ and they knew that ‘God would deliver them’ (Alma 56:47). They said to their commander ‘we do not doubt our mothers knew it’ (Alma 56:48). Sisters, the greatest gift we can give our children next to the gift of life is to share our testimony and to teach our children with great faith. The Prophet Joseph Smith said that the purpose of parenthood is to ‘stir up the faith of our children... to feel after God’ (Lectures on Faith 2).
Turning to modern scripture—the Doctrine & Covenants, we have the example of Emma Smith, wife of the Prophet Joseph Smith. In a revelation to Emma, the Lord praises her for ‘being faithful and walking in the paths of virtue’ and he calls her an ‘elect lady’ (D&C 25). He counsels her to ‘lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better’ (v. 10). This advice is applicable for us. We all know what ‘things of the world’ that take our time away from becoming women and mothers who walk in paths of virtue. Sisters—we cannot take these things with us. We must lay them aside and seek things of a better world. These are things that we can take with us. The Lord also instructs Emma (and us) to ‘lift up thy heart and rejoice and cleave unto the covenants which [she] had made’ (v.13). If we ‘lift up our hearts’, we are--in other words-- ‘being of good cheer’. We can be a positive force for good. The Lord instructs us that we can be positive if we ‘cleave to our covenants’ made at baptism and at the temple.
The women in the scriptures are excellent examples of mothers who were not perfect but were righteous. Their stories give us tools on how we can be strong mothers in our day. Here is a quick synopsis of the applications I have found in these stories. (Perhaps you have picked up on As Mothers we need to:
• Recognize our divine role as mothers
• Remember you are not alone (Spirit, husbands, church leaders, friends, neighbors)
• Trust your impressions, do the hard thing
• Learn from your own experiences, good and bad
• Be humble, teachable, & willing to submit to God’s plan (even if taught by our children)
• Ponder things in your heart
• As you face trials, do not murmur (Be grateful in your circumstances)
• In addition to the gift of life, give the gift of testimony and great faith
• Lay aside the things of the world and seek the things of a better (spend less time on ????)
• Cleave unto your covenants made at baptism and at the temple
I am grateful for the stories in the scriptures and the messages contained in them. We are so fortunate to live in a time when we have scriptures so accessible to us. The scriptures are tools for us to help us through this life. I feel that someday we will be accountable for how well we used the resources made available to us. I love the women in the scriptures. They are so real to me. I look forward to the day when I can meet them and thank them for the examples they gave me to help me become a righteous After putting this bullet list together, I thought of a picture my parents gave me years before I was a wife or mother. It is called the ‘Responsible Woman’ by James C. Christensen. As you can see, this woman is ‘responsible’ and has a load to carry. On her back, she carries her many responsibilities and talents such as homemaking, music, art, and education. Included with these is a compass by which she can determine how to prioritize her responsibilities. She carries a clock that has no hands to show she gives of herself endlessly. Nestled in her arms—close to her heart, she carries a baby. This woman carries before her a candle of light. She even has a reserve of candles because she is responsible throughout the night. Most importantly, she looks optimistically forward in her responsibilities being led by light or inspiration from God. This picture currently resides in my ‘laundry/sewing/project’ room. I put it there because it lifts me when I feel my duties piling high. It reminds me to put things in perspective. One of my favorite parts of this picture is how the baby is placed in front of her—nestled next to her heart. The baby is not placed on her back with her other ‘responsibilities’.
This part of the picture is important to me because of an experience I had. When my children were younger, I had a dream that I regard as the Lord’s counsel to me. In my dream, my children and I were at a park with a merry-go-round (the kind you push around and around). We went over to the merry-go-round, my children got on, and I started pushing. As I pushed, I noticed my children getting older and older, passing milestones in their lives. The merry-go-round got faster and faster and I realized that I would not be able to get on and join my kids. I was too preoccupied in doing the mundane task of pushing the merry-go-round. I woke up from this dream saddened that I was not enjoying the ride of life with my children. The Lord was telling me to put my children next to my heart and not carry them on my back.
Another experience I felt I needed to share was something that happened this past summer. It was the second week out of school. We had moved past the chaos of everything goes and we were back into a semi-regular routine. I was trying to implement a summer work schedule with fun rewards when they finished their jobs. After a tiresome week, we were all grumpy and the jobs weren’t done. I wasn’t feeling much love for them or from them. In my frustration, I got on my knees and kind of complained to God. Then a thought came into my head that I don’t think could have come from me. I felt more than thought we needed to remember why we love one another. We needed to have fun together again. In a way, it was like I needed to ‘court or date’ my children again. It was a good reminder that although I am the ‘responsible woman’, there is a time for all things. We needed to put aside the work, shut the doors to friends, and just have fun as a family. Although the work wasn’t done, we played games in our pajamas til late afternoon. It helped us love one another again and a positive/cheerful spirit returned to our home.
Sisters it is important that despite our heavy load—we are not too hard on ourselves. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland called Motherhood—‘an Eternal Partnership with God’. What a excellent description of motherhood. Elder Holland gave us a few more things to think about. Here is another video clip:
Watch ‘Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God’
I should have warned you to bring out the Kleenex for that one. I seem to always cry during this video because I have felt as the young mother in this clip. Perhaps many of you have felt that way too. Motherhood is hard. It is unheralded and unappreciated work. However, Elder Holland reminds us that it is worth it. His words encourage me to ‘be of good cheer...as I love and teach my And so we must. In the Primary song ‘The Family is of God’, the chorus states: ‘God gave us Families to help us become what he wants us to be.’ Our families provide a way for us to discover our strengths and weaknesses. There is no other place than in a home with a family that we can learn such things as service, unselfishness, compassion, repentance, forgiveness, love and charity. God wants us to discover and refine these divine attributes. Families are the tools that mold us into the people God would have us be. And who does he want us to be? He has chosen us--saved us--to be mothers in this day—‘the last leg of a race that began with Adam and Eve’ (Sheri Dew). He knows we can be a powerful force for good in these turbulent times. As mothers, we can make a difference by the positive influence we can have in our children’s world. We are the ‘secret-weapon’ in God’s army. We can raise His Army to stand steadfast and to be strong in the Last days, in the final battle between Good and Evil. Once again, we need to be of Good Cheer, to be Positive, to have faith and to allow him to lead us along. If we do so, we will see His arm revealed AND things will work out. I testify to you that if you apply these teachings—taught to us from apostles, prophets, and righteous mothers in the scriptures, you shall know true joy and peace. I testify that you and your children will be blessed for generations to come. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Friday, September 19, 2014
A Time to Cry, . . .A Time to Write
Today I was released from my calling as Secretary in the Young Women's Organization. I have been serving for 3 years, and perhaps I was getting a little tired, maybe a little more lazy in my duties as I was in the beginning. So it really was time, but that didn't seem to make it any less difficult. The girls chose God Be With You Till We Meet Again as the Opening Song. It was sweet and fitting as 9 of the 12 leaders were released today, but it was impossible for any of us to sing as we cried throughout the song. It's hard that something that has totally consumed your life has now come to an abrupt end. The crying came from the sadness that I will no longer have the close contact with these beautiful girls and the amazing women I had the privilege of working with. It comes from the wonderful memories of fun activities, spiritual moments, doing hard things together, having successes and failures, learning and growing together. It comes from reflecting on the many things I've learned and gleaned from watching some of the most amazing LDS Women I have ever known serve and teach these Young Women.
I received my Patriarchal Blessing exactly 21 years ago. It contains a paragraph that has always baffled and challenged me. I've struggled for all of those 21 years, not knowing how I was to fulfill this important job my Heavenly Father has asked me to do. Many times I have assumed that I somehow made choices that took this gift and opportunity away from me. Clearly, I have put it off for too long, or maybe I was just supposed to wait for the right time in my life aligned with this wonderful invention of internet blogs. At this point, I am hoping that it can stay relatively unseen and unread until I can figure out what I really am supposed to contribute. My blessing tells me that the role of women has never really been understood in the church, but if it pleases me, I should 'write' and help clarify to 'us' the richness of womanhood. One of my main obstacles until the last 3 years was that the blessing next asks me that "as you serve in the Young Women's program, look into the hearts of the people that you teach and have taught you and see there how womanhood is defined". I had never served in Young Womens! I was 36 years old, had 5 sons and no daughters and was scared and intimidated of Young Womens. Thank goodness my weakness was overlooked and I was finally given the chance.
I'll start off with what I learned from M, our president. Where do I start? I had always looked up to her from afar, but had never worked with her or even made friends with her. She is such a commanding, powerful leader, yet at the same time so humble, admitting her weaknesses, and never taking credit for her great successes. My personality just screams Secretary. I like organization, planning, putting things in their places. Those are my strengths and yet my weakness at the same time. M has taught me that in order to do our real job of loving and serving our girls, that sometimes it's better to let those organizational things fall by the way. It's been tough for me many times, but she puts her faith in God and Jesus Christ and always pulls off this confidence that things will work out and she's always been right. This is not to say that M is not organized. This woman has dreamed up, planned for, and pulled off some of the most incredible activities I have ever heard of. I was warned as I came into this calling maybe 9 months after the original presidency had been serving together, that this was an over-achieving presidency, and this was true. It was not just average weekly activities, but big additional activities, not just for fun, but always with an important objective behind it. I'm sure I couldn't name them all but the Jacob's Run Event, Walking to the Temple, the Family History Goal, the Missionary overnighter, the Girl's Camp River Run, Amazing Race Youth Conference are just a few. I have learned through these experiences that her testimony that the Youth increase their testimony most by doing hard things is completely true. I have learned the most through the hard things I have done as a Young Woman Leader: serving as a Ma at Pioneer Trek, encouraging the last few straggler girls up the hill at the end of our 14 mile temple walk, watching the girls get Baptized for their ancestors we had helped and encouraged them to find, planning and coordinating our Amazing Race Youth Conference, paddling the Beehives down the Colorado River through heat exhaustion and dehydration, begging Young Women to fill in to speak in Sacrament meeting at the last minute, pushing through long Savior of the World rehearsals to finally be rewarded with an experience of a lifetime.
With all the incredible work M puts into her calling, I am amazed that she still is able to put her family first. She shows an amazing amount of love and patience to her own daughter in Young Womens, she supports her boys in their intense sports schedules and even brings and includes her youngest to Activities when necessary. She supports and shows respect to her husband in his callings, speaks highly of him and even though she is such a strong leader she seems so equally yoked with him. She invites all (in our ward that's 11-13 ladies) the Young Women Leaders to meetings to collaborate about activities. She takes everybody's input and in the rare event that someone disagrees with her, she never seems to let it bother her or cause contention. She never seems to get discouraged Watching her teach, I know she is always guided by the Spirit to teach the Laurels exactly what they need to hear and her testimony shines through in her actions and words. Meg is incredibly athletically talented so many may call her a tom-boy, but I have learned so much about the richness of LDS Womanhood.
As I approached K today, she was already crying and we were both glad they didn't make us speak in Sacrament Meeting like the others. She began in this Presidency 4 years ago, but was "demoted" to a MiaMaid then Laurel Advisor when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. What an incredible experience it has been for us as she has shared her experiences along this rough road with the Young Women and her fellow leaders. I remember her coming to the church at around 4:30 AM just before her first surgery to bid us farewell on our River Run Girls Camp. I think she was devastated that she couldn't come with us and we were equally devastated to leave without her, but there she was at that insane hour supporting us. I know the girls have been a tremendous support to her as well through all of her ups and downs. We learned so much from her faith, her gratitude, her testimony growth, and even the preparation she had been inspired to do just before her diagnosis. She spoke at one of our Excellence Nights or New Beginnings talking about the things she's gained through her trials and I felt like we all gained similar things to a small degree right with her as she let us share in her experiences. The girls adore her for her fun, loving, caring, real personality. She is so talented, yet humble, very hard-working, and organized. She is also such a great example of an LDS woman as she balances her calling, her work, her musical theater pursuits and being a fabulous mom to a missionary and 2 other children and wife to a bishopric member.
I used to be S's Visiting Teacher. I felt awkward in that position because I felt so inferior to her, admired her, and wanted to be just like her when I grew up. I still feel that way after working closely with her in Young Women for 3 years. She is the definition of poise, classiness and in fact really the definition of the richness of LDS womanhood. But now I know she is real, and that she works hard to be the woman that she is. One night, I had the opportunity to be with her as we worked through a very difficult family situation with one of our girls. It was rough, but I learned so much from her as we loved, forgave, and acted as an advocate for this troubled Young Woman. I will continue to study how S exhibits the characteristics of a great LDS woman who also happens to be the bishop's wife.
There are multiple other leaders whose examples have been so inspiring to me. The Young Women themselves have taught me so much as well. That will have to be for another post in the future . . .
I received my Patriarchal Blessing exactly 21 years ago. It contains a paragraph that has always baffled and challenged me. I've struggled for all of those 21 years, not knowing how I was to fulfill this important job my Heavenly Father has asked me to do. Many times I have assumed that I somehow made choices that took this gift and opportunity away from me. Clearly, I have put it off for too long, or maybe I was just supposed to wait for the right time in my life aligned with this wonderful invention of internet blogs. At this point, I am hoping that it can stay relatively unseen and unread until I can figure out what I really am supposed to contribute. My blessing tells me that the role of women has never really been understood in the church, but if it pleases me, I should 'write' and help clarify to 'us' the richness of womanhood. One of my main obstacles until the last 3 years was that the blessing next asks me that "as you serve in the Young Women's program, look into the hearts of the people that you teach and have taught you and see there how womanhood is defined". I had never served in Young Womens! I was 36 years old, had 5 sons and no daughters and was scared and intimidated of Young Womens. Thank goodness my weakness was overlooked and I was finally given the chance.
I'll start off with what I learned from M, our president. Where do I start? I had always looked up to her from afar, but had never worked with her or even made friends with her. She is such a commanding, powerful leader, yet at the same time so humble, admitting her weaknesses, and never taking credit for her great successes. My personality just screams Secretary. I like organization, planning, putting things in their places. Those are my strengths and yet my weakness at the same time. M has taught me that in order to do our real job of loving and serving our girls, that sometimes it's better to let those organizational things fall by the way. It's been tough for me many times, but she puts her faith in God and Jesus Christ and always pulls off this confidence that things will work out and she's always been right. This is not to say that M is not organized. This woman has dreamed up, planned for, and pulled off some of the most incredible activities I have ever heard of. I was warned as I came into this calling maybe 9 months after the original presidency had been serving together, that this was an over-achieving presidency, and this was true. It was not just average weekly activities, but big additional activities, not just for fun, but always with an important objective behind it. I'm sure I couldn't name them all but the Jacob's Run Event, Walking to the Temple, the Family History Goal, the Missionary overnighter, the Girl's Camp River Run, Amazing Race Youth Conference are just a few. I have learned through these experiences that her testimony that the Youth increase their testimony most by doing hard things is completely true. I have learned the most through the hard things I have done as a Young Woman Leader: serving as a Ma at Pioneer Trek, encouraging the last few straggler girls up the hill at the end of our 14 mile temple walk, watching the girls get Baptized for their ancestors we had helped and encouraged them to find, planning and coordinating our Amazing Race Youth Conference, paddling the Beehives down the Colorado River through heat exhaustion and dehydration, begging Young Women to fill in to speak in Sacrament meeting at the last minute, pushing through long Savior of the World rehearsals to finally be rewarded with an experience of a lifetime.
With all the incredible work M puts into her calling, I am amazed that she still is able to put her family first. She shows an amazing amount of love and patience to her own daughter in Young Womens, she supports her boys in their intense sports schedules and even brings and includes her youngest to Activities when necessary. She supports and shows respect to her husband in his callings, speaks highly of him and even though she is such a strong leader she seems so equally yoked with him. She invites all (in our ward that's 11-13 ladies) the Young Women Leaders to meetings to collaborate about activities. She takes everybody's input and in the rare event that someone disagrees with her, she never seems to let it bother her or cause contention. She never seems to get discouraged Watching her teach, I know she is always guided by the Spirit to teach the Laurels exactly what they need to hear and her testimony shines through in her actions and words. Meg is incredibly athletically talented so many may call her a tom-boy, but I have learned so much about the richness of LDS Womanhood.
As I approached K today, she was already crying and we were both glad they didn't make us speak in Sacrament Meeting like the others. She began in this Presidency 4 years ago, but was "demoted" to a MiaMaid then Laurel Advisor when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. What an incredible experience it has been for us as she has shared her experiences along this rough road with the Young Women and her fellow leaders. I remember her coming to the church at around 4:30 AM just before her first surgery to bid us farewell on our River Run Girls Camp. I think she was devastated that she couldn't come with us and we were equally devastated to leave without her, but there she was at that insane hour supporting us. I know the girls have been a tremendous support to her as well through all of her ups and downs. We learned so much from her faith, her gratitude, her testimony growth, and even the preparation she had been inspired to do just before her diagnosis. She spoke at one of our Excellence Nights or New Beginnings talking about the things she's gained through her trials and I felt like we all gained similar things to a small degree right with her as she let us share in her experiences. The girls adore her for her fun, loving, caring, real personality. She is so talented, yet humble, very hard-working, and organized. She is also such a great example of an LDS woman as she balances her calling, her work, her musical theater pursuits and being a fabulous mom to a missionary and 2 other children and wife to a bishopric member.
I used to be S's Visiting Teacher. I felt awkward in that position because I felt so inferior to her, admired her, and wanted to be just like her when I grew up. I still feel that way after working closely with her in Young Women for 3 years. She is the definition of poise, classiness and in fact really the definition of the richness of LDS womanhood. But now I know she is real, and that she works hard to be the woman that she is. One night, I had the opportunity to be with her as we worked through a very difficult family situation with one of our girls. It was rough, but I learned so much from her as we loved, forgave, and acted as an advocate for this troubled Young Woman. I will continue to study how S exhibits the characteristics of a great LDS woman who also happens to be the bishop's wife.
There are multiple other leaders whose examples have been so inspiring to me. The Young Women themselves have taught me so much as well. That will have to be for another post in the future . . .
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