Elder Nelson's Talk Perfectly Defines LDS Womanhood

Last week as Elder Nelson got into his talk at General Conference I realized that it was perfect for my blog. In fact, I could just copy it here and be done with entire blog, but I feel it deserves careful study and I plan to come back to it each week as I strive to follow his counsel.

He began by talking about the wives of the recently departed Apostles. The picture he paints of Sister Packer as "showing the tranquility of a faith-filled woman" even as she was aware of her husband's decline was simply beautiful. He sees us as so much more than we currently are and believes in a greater vision of women as we can be. He says that it is "impossible to measure our influence" on families and the church as wives, mothers, and grandmothers, sisters and aunts, as teachers and leaders BUT "especially as exemplars and devout defenders of the faith". Perhaps this is why he titles his talk "A Plea to My Sisters"; he wants us to be more than we are. He says the distinction we have brings both privileges and responsibilities!

Elder Nelson shares President Kimball's famous quote:


and says that we are those women President Kimball saw and talked about! "We, your brethren, need your strength, your conversion, your conviction, your ability to lead, your wisdom, and your voices." That doesn't sound like women are second class members of the Church as many nay-sayers lead the world to believe.

Elder Nelson then quotes another talk from the past on the role of women in the church, President Packer's famous "We Need Women who are. . ." quote and then adds many of his own additional "we need women who are . . ." My friend came up with a list of 63 "We need Women who are" qualities just from this talk. She suggests that this list would be a great place to get ideas in that weekly quest to find out where the Lord wants us to improve next.

We need women who are...

1. Seen as distinct and different—in happy ways—from the women of the world
2. Virtue
3. Light 
4. Love 
5. Knowledge 
6. Courage
7. Character
8. Faith 
9. Righteous 
10. Draw good women to the Church 
11. Strength 
12. Conversion 
13. Conviction 
14. Ability to lead
15. Wisdom
16. Your voice
17. Women who make sacred covenants and then keep them 
18. Speak with the power and authority of God 
19. Organized and can organize 
20. Executive ability who can plan and direct and administer
21. Women who can teach 
22. Women who can speak out 
23. Women with the gift of discernment who can view the trends in the world and detect those that, however popular, are shallow or dangerous. 
24. Know how to make important things happen by their faith 
25. Courageous defenders of morality in a sin-sick world
26. Courageous defenders of family in a sin-sick world
27. Devoted to shepherding God's children along the covenant path toward exaltation 
28. Know how to receive personal revelation 
29. Understand the power and peace of the temple endowment 
30. Know how to call upon the powers of heaven to protect and strengthen children and families
31. Women who teach fearlessly 
32. Vision 
33. Grit 
34. Love 
35. Inspired prodding
36. Sisters, do you realize the breadth and scope of your influence when you speak those things that come to your heart and mind as directed by the Spirit?
37. Whatever your calling, whatever your circumstances, we need your impressions
38. We need your insights
39. We need your inspiration
40. We need you to speak up
41. We need you to speak out in ward and stake councils
42. We need each married sister to speak as a contributing and full partner as you unite with your husband in governing your family
43. Married or single, you sisters possess distinctive capabilities and special intuition you have received as gifts from God
44. We brethren cannot duplicate your unique influence
45. The culminating act of all creation was the creation of woman
46. We need your strength!
47. Because attacks against the Church, its doctrine, and our way of life are going to increase, we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ
48. And who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation
49. We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms
50. We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers 
51. Women who express their beliefs with confidence and charity
52. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve
53. Nothing is more crucial to your eternal life than your own conversion
54. It is converted, covenant-keeping women—women like my dear wife Wendy—whose righteous lives will increasingly stand out in a deteriorating world and who will thus be seen as different and distinct in the happiest of ways
55. Today I plead with my sisters of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to step forward!
56. Take your rightful and needful place in your home—more than you ever have before
57. Take your rightful and needful place in your community—more than you ever have before
58. Take your rightful and needful place in the kingdom of God—more than you ever have before
59. I plead with you to fulfill President Kimball’s prophecy  
60. I promise you in the name of Jesus Christ that as you do so, the Holy Ghost will magnify your influence in an unprecedented way!
61. As one of His Apostles, I thank you, my dear sisters
62. As one of His Apostles, I bless you to rise to your full stature, to fulfill the measure of your creation, as we walk arm in arm in this sacred work
63. Together we will help prepare the world for the Second Coming of the Lord

I loved Elder Nelson's story he shared about his wife Dantzel and what she said to him after she had stayed by his side as he cried through the night over a failed heart surgery. He states  "How I needed her vision, grit, and love!" The he asks us "Do you realize the breadth and scope of  your influence when you speak those things that come to your heart and mind as directed by the Spirit?" We've been given that gift of being able to receive messages from the Spirit, so we need to share those things we receive. The story of a Stake Council is shared where they were discussing a difficult problem when the Stake President asked the Primary President if she had any impressions. She shared the impression she had and it changed the direction of the meeting. The Stake President said, “As she spoke, the Spirit testified to me that she had given voice to the revelation we had been seeking as a council.” She did not need to hold the Priesthood to receive that revelation, she just needed to be the kind of woman Elder Nelson is asking us and insisting that we can be.

Because attacks against us will increase, "we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation. We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms." I have felt this in recent years as I have felt guided to champion and organize White Ribbon Week at our elementary school to educate students and parents about the dangers of Internet Pornography. Recently, I was asked to substitute teach in Relief Society when the given topic was "The Law of Chastity". I assumed those asking me knew about my passion for teaching this topic, but they were not. They were led by the Spirit to ask me and hopefully those present caught my urgency and ability to "detect deception" by Satan and were inspired to share with others and teach their own children to be sin-resistant.

Elder Nelson urges us to take our rightful place in home, community and kingdom. He promises the Holy Ghost will magnify our influence in unprecedented ways. We need to walk "arm in arm" with the men in this Sacred Work. I LOVED this talk and plan to come back to it over and over as I strive to fill my divine role as a woman.

"The Role of Women" from a Stake Conference talk!

So we often hear talks about the role of women in General Conference or a Women's Conference, but this may be the first time I've heard one at a Stake Conference and at the adult meeting on Saturday night from one of the counselors in the Stake Presidency. He especially concentrated on the role of women in Ward Councils. Women's views are often very different from men, but are an essential part of the Ward Council. They should feel their comments are of value and they should participate in discussions on all matters, not just those dealing with sisters or Primary children. He says the Bishop should seek input from sisters, even if they aren't especially vocal with their opinions.

Quoting Quentin L. Cook, he said that without the sisters, we can't reach the full revelatory potential of the ward council. I looked up this article from 2011, and was surprised I didn't remember it. It's "LDS Women are Incredible" and it's definitely worth a read here.

Many wards are firing on only a few cylinders, because they are not delegating, especially to the sisters. A one cylinder ward is where the bishop solves all the problems, and could be done much more efficiently by delegating the problem solving to all the members of the ward council, including the women. "How vital you are in moving this great work forward!"

The world is screaming at women- incorrect truths about ourselves. We are not second class members of this church. And "You don't measure up" is a lie directly from the adversary. Many would have us believe that women are "repressed" or "belittled" in the church, but when asked why they feel that way it was always a particular person, rather than a church policy that made them feel inferior.  We can all admit that members of the church are not perfect, so we need to let grudges go and not let it affect our testimony or feelings towards the Church. He also advocated the men to apologize if they have ever made a woman feel inferior.

He did give a big disclaimer that he of course would never understand exactly how it feels to be a woman in the church. He did bring up a negative comment that he read on a comment board on a blog or website where women were sharing how they were made to feel as a woman in the Church. The comment was something along the lines of  "I don't want to be appreciated as a woman only for the fact that I can be a Mother." He felt that comment was unwarranted and went on to share a priceless experience with his Mother that he remembered from his childhood. But I felt that I really understood and empathasized with this comment, as did my friend who sitting next to me who whispered that this woman who had made the comment probably wasn't married and didn't have her own children yet. My friend did not marry until she was 30, and knew that pain of not feeling valued because she was not yet a mother. Having been married at age 20 and becoming a mother at age 22, I didn't feel this pain in that way, yet I have experienced it in other ways. The times when I have been the most down and discouraged were when I felt that I was a failure as a mother, and there was nothing else in my life that I could feel successful in. That's all I had at the time. Men can feel like they are failing as a father yet feel successful in other areas of their life like their career and their priesthood calling. We do want to be valued for other qualities and contributions besides just the ability to be a mother. Of course I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother and consider it such a blessing to be given maybe a few of the qualities that would help me be a good mother. But I think there are a lot of us that struggle and feel like we don't always measure up to the assignment of being a mother.

I think it is key that both men and women remember that these "motherly qualities" are essential in many areas of life besides giving birth and nuturing your own children. These are the qualities that make women such an important part of Ward Councils and other organizations,

I am so grateful to be a woman in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I do feel valued and appreciated. I have loved being a part of the Ward Council at different times and always felt my opinion and skills were valued and wanted. I can't imagine my or any other ward functioning without the influence of our fabulous female leaders who have incredible wisdom and spiritual gifts.

My Notes on a talk by Sheri Dew- Again, she helps clarify our Role

I had the amazing opportunity, when invited by a dear friend, to hear Sheri Dew speak at a 3-Stake Women's Conference about an hour from my home. I feel like she is the woman who always helps to clarify our role as women, both to women in the church and to those outside our church as well. I'd like to share my notes and the things I learned from hearing her speak.

She thanked the Stake Presidents for being there because they hold the "keys" needed to hold this meeting. Just as a key opens something, their priesthood keys open the "flow" of priesthood power to all in attendance. She said if we did not have those keys, we had no authorization to hold this meeting and that we may as well go out for a burger!

She called up all the Young Women in attendance to come stand with her in the front. They are Women of God in the making. They look to us, but we can learn from them. One thing that all previous prophets have testified of is the last days. These Young Women have been held in reserve for the best of the last days. At Becky Lockhart's funeral, her daughter said, "My mom is a great example of choosing good in a world of evil," which was a great compliment to her.

In an interview with an international reporter, Sheri was asked the difficult question if she believes that members of our church have more access to God's power. She had to answer yes, because we have made covenants or promises to God and when we keep our covenants, that unleashes God's power. She said the Interviewer was touched by the Spirit, because the Spirit comes when we teach truth. She was also warm and wonderful, not offended and gave her a very fair representation in the article. Sheri also joked that if she ever married, it would be Church News-worthy and we should look for it on the front cover. It is such an endearing quality that she is so real and jokes about this.

She shared two experiences she had recently with two Young Adult women. Both were in similar situations several years ago in their late teens- they both had some questions and doubts about the gospel. One kept them to herself until she quit believing, made poor choices, and found herself pregnant and alone. The other voiced her questions to Sheri and her bishop and did the work to research and pray for answers and peace. This second Young Woman is now worthy and ready to go to the temple.

We all have questions. Sheri says she does not have the question many do about women not holding the Priesthood, but she does wonder why she has never been able to marry. We need to make it safe and easy for our children or our students to ask questions. That leads to answers and truth which pushes away evil. We must be willing to engage in the WRESTLE just as Enos, Alma, and Paul. When we ask a question and have to wrestle to gain an answer, that is when we grow and our testimony grows. We leverage the strength of the truth to wrestle our questions to the ground.

The doctrine of the priesthood can only be known through personal revelation, but these 5 truths are important to consider.
1) Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are Perfect
2) This is Jesus Christ's church and he is actively involved, therefore we cannot compare the church to a government or corporation.
3)We have a living prophet and apostles
4)Women are vital to the Lord's Church! Just as many women as men teach, lead, and preach each week in our church.
5)Women have as much access to the priesthood as men. When we are set apart in callings, we are given priesthood authority to fulfill those callings. When we are Endowed in the Temple, we are being endowed with priesthood power.

Sheri encourages women to engage in the WRESTLE to understand why women don't need to be ordained to the priesthood. She suggests reading D&C 88,104,76 as a good place to start. We need women to tackle big questions, not be swayed to hear crafted arguments, and who can persevere.

She told the story of how she came to write her famous talk "Are we Not All Mothers?" She had been offended by a discussion about families amongst the leaders of the church. They had insisted on trading the word woman for Mother and Sheri was the only one present who was not a parent. Yet she had the impression to speak on Motherhood, so the talk came because she was willing to wrestle this question and offense and a brilliant speech inspiring all members of the church came about because of that wrestle.

I was thrilled to be able to hear her speak yet again on such a relevant topic right now. People are confused about Women and the Priesthood. Some are going about having that question answered in the wrong way. We are not asked to follow blindly. We are encouraged to ask our questions and be willing to wrestle to get the answers. And yet we also need to accept that we will not know the answers to everything yet, but as a people of faith, we must continue to show our faith. Sheri is a wonderful example to all LDS Women regardless of our individual situations.

Satan tempts Men, but he TORMENTS Women

A very common misnomer about LDS women is that we try to be (or at least to look) perfect. I think the truth is that we love to hear other women talk about their struggles and imperfections. Then we realize we are actually all so similar in that we all have struggles and we don't have to try to pretend to be perfect. We connect with one another when we share "real" feelings and lift one another up as we learn. I have been "attending" a wonderful online meeting each week with other LDS women from all over the country. They are such a strength and great example to me. I am learning so much, especially about myself.

One principle that I have learned is that Satan tempts men, but he TORMENTS women. He maybe tries to tempt us with the typical things and has very little success. But what he has become very skilled at is really getting to us, telling us lies, having us believe them and continually reminding and showing us where we have gone wrong and what we lack. He loves for us to blame ourselves, tell ourselves that we can't change, and make us feel powerless. I am learning to recognize Satan's lies that he is so good at telling women. When I realize that what I am thinking is actually a lie Satan is telling me, I can basically say "I see you, Satan", combat his lie with Truth, and tell him to get lost. Now I can be so much more powerful, realizing it's not people I'm fighting, but Satan. We all have our own battles, women usually much different from men, but we can fight them in the same way. with the Savior.

One lie Satan tells me constantly is that I have no business writing this blog. I really don't have any writing skills, have nothing important to say, what can I say to others when I don't have things all figured out myself, and no one will read it anyway. This may not be far from the truth, but I realize that it's Satan who is tormenting me with these self-doubts, trying to make sure I don't write. My Instructor in this Online Training says that Satan does not want us to pick up our pen. That scary to him because it helps us work out our "mess". So even if no one reads this, I am benefiting myself and I am showing Satan I am powerful against him.

My online training suggests that in order to be victorious in our battles with Satan, we need to create spiritual rituals to draw us closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ, which include asking yourself  and writing answers to these questions:
1) What am I fighting for?
2) Why do I fight?
3) Why don't I just give up?
I love the visualization of having actual battles with Satan and being victorious because of whose team I am on. These questions motivate me and remind me why I'm fighting Satan so that I can recognize and combat his tormenting.

What I learned about my Role while taking a break from it

My mother is the most selfless person on the earth, so I have been taught through example that my role is to serve my husband, 5 children, and everyone around me, never to do something self-serving. So I have been a little reluctant to mention this because I was embarrassed that I would leave my husband and children at home to go on a cruise with my sisters! It all began when I received an email from my sister C (who I now know was inspired to invite me!). She and my sister A had already been planning a cruise together and put it out there that I was invited if I could possibly find a way to break away from real life for an extended weekend. It was a crazy, out-there idea, but I felt more and more drawn to the idea, realized that I was finally in a place in my life where it might actually be possible (for our 4th sister, it would have been impossible at this time), and began to pursue it by asking what my husband thought of it. He was totally on board and encouraged me to go.

I probably made things too easy for them while I was gone, so I may have cheated them out of a better learning experience and didn't help them to appreciate me any better :) I set up a complete schedule of exactly what to eat, who was doing the dishes, and where and when to go where. They didn't have to do any laundry and cooking consisted of throwing a pizza or fish sticks in the oven. So I suppose I was sort of fulfilling a small part of my role while I was gone. They were all in once piece when I got home and the worst thing that happened was just that my six-year-old gave his part in the Primary Program without his hair being combed. (could have been worse!) When I got home, I asked everyone what they missed most about me being gone (maybe this was a mistake). Of course the 17-year-old answer was "good food", but what else is on a teenage boys mind? My youngest missed "my hugs and kisses at night", apparently something a father cannot substitute. D said it "just felt chaotic", so I'm glad that my organization is appreciated at least my most organized child. C said he "just missed ME" which was hard for him to explain, but I think he just meant that he likes to have me here to listen and talk to. My husband claims he just missed "ME" too. No one said they missed the house being vacuumed and dusted, no one missed me taxi-driving them around to their activities, no one even missed me fixing them breakfast and lunches and getting them out the door to school in the morning (which I was very nervous about the 9 and 6-year-olds doing this on their own). I hope I can learn from this that it's more important for me to go kiss them goodnight rather than get the dishes done or be here for them to talk to when they get home from school rather than off working or the store. I learned what parts of my role they truly need the most, which may include cooking great food if that happens to be their love language!

So was I able to relax and have fun on the cruise? YES!! I felt like I was able to reconnect with my sisters and we had some great conversations, buoying each other up in our very different circumstances of life. I remember feeling at many times when my children were very young that my own identity had been completely swallowed up by the needs of my family. Just recently have I been remembering and feeling my own identity coming back out as I finally feel like my head is above water as my kids have grown out of the very needy ages. I was able to focus on who I am and who I want to become. I enjoyed great food that I didn't have to make or wash dishes from, and I rarely even felt guilty about it! We got to meet and befriend many people who weren't members of our church (which normally is a rare occasion for this Kaysville, UT member). We were able to enjoy the ruins of Tulum from an LDS perspective and see real buildings likely built by descendants of the Book of Mormon people. I got to sing karaoke, learn the Gangman style dance, rock climb, learned the art of napkin folding, and ran 6 miles on the deck of a moving cruise ship. Most of all I learned that there is more to my "role" than serving my husband, children, and in my church calling. Serving and watching my children progress brings me great happiness, but I learned I deserve and can find happiness and joy in other ways too.

Thanks so much to my awesome sisters, who were fun, adventurous, and loving traveling companions! I love them so much and learned a lot from their examples and life experiences!

Porn-Proofing our Children

One part of our role as a woman is unarguable- that is the nurturing and teaching of our children.  Yet the teaching of this particular subject is one of the most difficult and uncomfortable things we are asked to do. And yet so important that we teach- avoiding Pornography. I want to protect my children's innocence, but in this wicked world that we live in, we need to talk to our children very early in order to "innoculate our children against the epidemic of pornography". I don't want to rehash all the statistics that are out there, but they are now saying children as young as 7 are being exposed and becoming addicted to hard-core porn, before most parents even consider discussing the dangers. Ignorance is risk!

We need to prepare them for the confusing and probably conflicting feelings they will have when (not if) they are first exposed to porn. They need to know how their brain works, what to do, and decide for themselves what they will do when they are accidentally exposed. Porn is more addictive than most drugs, and usually only takes that second look before their brain rewires itself to seek out more.

I feel very lucky to have stumbled upon this fantastic book- "Good Pictures, Bad Pictures"! It is a picture book, designed to read along with your 7 to 12-year-old child. It uses the comfortable setting of a mother and son enjoying a family photo album and models a conversation that teaches a simple definition of pornography (even for kids who have not yet learned the detail of sex). Chapter by chapter, kids learn about addiction and their "two brains" and how one of them can be tricked by viewing pornography, while the other can take control and prevent addiction.

I am passionate about this topic right now, as I know this is Satan's most powerful tool in destroying children and families. However, I have not done the best job at talking openly with my children on this topic, and it needs to be done! My husband and I read it with our 9-year-old and 12-year-old and thought it was perfect in teaching them what they needed to protect themselves and also helped us open the communication with them. It really helps open up a great conversation that I don't feel super comfortable starting on my own.

If you are my neighbor, I'd be happy to loan you my copy of the book. You can also buy it on Amazon for $12.49 or check it out from your local library.

I also recommend these other 2 books along similar lines. The Brad Wilcox book is great for a child who has recently had the "big talk" or gone to a maturation program and helps fill in the gaps, using a religious perspective, that may have been left. The Eyres' book covers how to talk to your kids of any age about these difficult topics. I especially love how they always emphasize that sex is a wonderful and positive thing, where I feel like our generation was taught that sex is evil and dirty and should not be discussed.

Please share your thoughts and ideas along this topic. I know we need all the help we can get in fighting Satan and this powerful weapon he is using against our children!

Other General Conference Gems

I have enjoyed reading others thoughts and aha moments from Conference. My favorite is this awesome sister who shares her experience of getting back on and "Staying in the Old Ship Zion". It seems like I hear of so many who are getting off the Ship, it's wonderful to hear about a family who made such an effort to get back on the ship! Her story illustrates the power of a woman, wife, and mother for good. Thanks for sharing your experience!