My good friend, Karene Warby, gave this workshop at our Farmington, Utah Oakridge Stake Women's Conference last week. It gives scriptural examples of how we should define our role as mothers. It is so fabulous, I fully expect the folks at BYU Education Week to be contacting her to do a class for them next summer. Enjoy!
D&C 78:18 states: “...Be of Good Cheer for I [the Lord] will lead you along”. Isn’t this a great scripture and a great topic for a Women’s Conference?! Thank you to the Stake Relief Society Presidency for their inspired selection of this theme. I feel this message is one we need to hear in our rather negative world today. So I’d like to take a moment (and I hope it won’t be redundant), to share with you some insights and thoughts I have had regarding this theme.
First of all, the Lord truly leads us along in our lives. As I have prepared for this workshop today, I feel like He led me along. The Lord would give me a thought or place me where I would hear something that pertained to this subject. I acknowledge His Hand in the details of this workshop and pray that He will be pleased with the way I organize and articulate it. “Be of Good Cheer” is a statement that is found in a several places in the scriptures. In addition to this one found in D&C 78, one of my favorites is found in D&C 61. This revelation was given to Joseph Smith a year after the church was organized and at a time when the Church was experiencing great opposition. The Lord said “...Be of Good Cheer, little children, for I am in your midst and I have not forsaken you.” It sounds to me like a Father giving encouragement to his children. What a sweet and tender thought!
Our current prophet, President Thomas S. Monson has said “Be of Good Cheer, the future is as bright as your faith.” So how bright is your faith?! This statement has made me pause and evaluate my faith. However, I feel encouraged by this statement as it comes from one whom we regard as a ‘seer’ or ‘see-er’ of the future,
In the last General Conference, President Henry B. Eyring—who serves as a counselor to Pres Monson—said this:
‘I have seen ...as a counselor to two living prophets of God [that]...they are individuals with unique personalities. Yet they seem to share a consistent optimism...When someone raises an alarm about something in the church, their most frequent response is “Oh things will work out.”...They know the way of the Lord, and so they are always hopeful about His Kingdom. They know He is at the head. He is all-powerful and He cares. If you let Him be the leader of your family, things will work out.’
Let me reiterate—if you let Him be the leader of your family, things will work out. If we follow the prophet’s example here, we need not worry about things in our lives. We can share our prophet’s optimism and be positive in a negative world. How do we do this? We have faith! We believe He is the head of our lives and no matter what might knock us down, we keep on trying ‘cheerfully’. When I struggle feeling upbeat in hard times, I turn to D&C 123:17.
This scripture was written by Joseph Smith while he was imprisoned in Liberty Jail and the Saints were enduring lots of persecution. Although they had great reason to be down, he said “... let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power: and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God and for His arm to be revealed.”
This is the message I hope you will hear loud today. We need to be of Good Cheer, to be Positive, to have faith and to allow him to lead us along. If we do so, we will see His arm revealed AND things will work out.
So let’s discuss being of good cheer......as you love and teach your children. We live in a time when we have access to years of instructions from prophets and apostles regarding how to raise our families. I encourage you to tap into this resource as you look for answers to parenting practices. Let me share with you three talks that I have found: First in 1995, President Gordon B. Hinckley gave a talk in the Relief Society Broadcast entitled “Stand Strong Against the Wiles of the World”. (This talk happens to be the one where they issued the proclamation on the Family). In this talk, Pres. Hinckley takes time to distinctly address women in all their different phases of life and circumstances. He said ‘To the wives and mothers who work to maintain stable homes where there is an environment of love and respect and appreciation. I say, the Lord bless you’. Then Pres. Hinckley gave a long list of advice for us—the wives and mothers. I gleaned a lot from his advice so I wanted to share it with you. I hope we can digest them enough to apply them in our lives. He said ‘Regardless of your circumstances:
• Walk in faith (haven’t we just talked about having faith and being positive)
• Rear your children in light and truth
• Teach them to pray and read the scriptures while they are young
• Teach your sons to honor womanhood
• Teach your daughters to walk in virtue
• Set an example for them of service and love for others (this may be counter-intuitive. Giving time to others takes away time for our children. However if we include them in our service, we will find they will learn the principle of service).
• Encourage your children to read more and watch television less (This counsel was given almost 20 years ago. I think today he would counsel to have less screen time).
• Teach them to have respect for their elders
• Set high standards for them that includes hard work at school and off-hours responsibilities
• Do not over indulge them (this is a biggie especially in our neighborhoods when it is easy to do so. He counsels us to not do it!) He said “Let them grow up with respect for and understanding of the meaning of labor, of working and contributing to the home and its surroundings, with some way of earning some of their own expense money. Let your sons save for missions, and encourage them to prepare themselves, not only financially, but spiritually and in an attitude to go out and serve the Lord without selfishness of any kind. I do not hesitate to promise that if you will do so, you will have reason to count your He promises that if we raise our children with love and high expectations, then ‘the more likely that there will be peace in their lives.’ This statement stood out to me. When I put more expectation on my kids, neither of us feel any peace. It is a battle to encourage high standards, but this prophet claims it is worth it. With all the tumult and confusion going on in the world today, our children will need ‘peace’ in their lives to stand strong. If we take Pres. Hinckley’s advice, I suspect we will also have great success.
Next--in 2010, Elder L. Tom Perry also provided great advice for mothers in his conference
talk. But rather than listening to me tell it, you can listen to him on a short video clip from his Watch ‘Mothers Teaching Children in the Home’ by Elder L Tom Perry. Elder Perry has many great points in this talk but I would like to emphasize the focus he put on “conscientious, persistent, daily parenting”. He claimed that it is ‘among the most powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world.’ We’ve heard this before—consistency is important in parenting. A simple thing like ‘daily parenting’ can be a force for good in a negative world.
Then three months ago, the Church Headquarters held their annual Worldwide Auxiliary Training. These trainings are always a good way to see what concerns our General Authorities have for the Church. This year, the focus was Learning and Teaching in the Home and in the Church. I found this interesting because this topic goes right along with my workshop today. This is evidence to me that our Stake leaders are ‘spot on’ with their selection of this theme. In this training, the General Authorities clarified the difference between learning and teaching. We as parents have an obligation to teach our children—almost a burden sometimes. We do a pretty good job at teaching. Learning, on the other hand, is different than just teaching. Learning is what we do together. If we change our approach from teaching our children to learning with our children, then we, as parents, will have humility and we will find the spirit present. It is the
Holy Spirit that is the real teacher in our lives as well as our children’s. A few weeks ago after I had just finished listening to this training, I was putting my youngest to bed and chose to sing her ‘Teach Me to Walk in the Light’. I have sung this hymn since I was a child, but had not recognized this principle of ‘learning’ written in its lyrics. The first verse of this hymn is written as if a child is talking to a parent. It says:
Teach me to walk in the light of His love
Teach me to pray to my Father above
Teach me to know all the things that are right
Teach me, teach me, to walk in the Light.
The second verse is written as if a parent is speaking back to the child. It says:
Come, little child and together we’ll learn
Of His commandments that we may return
Home to His presence to live in His sight
Always, always, to walk in the Light.
There are some valuable blessings to be had if we take time to learn with our children rather than to simply teach them. Of course, many of you already know that most of the time in parenting, we are not always the ones who are teaching. It is our children who teach us. Interestingly, not long after I accepted the assignment to give this workshop I got into a huge fight with one of my kids. In my efforts to ‘teach’ my child, I did not feel very much cheer or love. I felt discouraged as a mother. I felt low and so I also felt terribly inadequate and under qualified to teach this workshop. I felt they should have called someone else who is better at cheer and love than I am. However, this was a moment for me to learn. My Heavenly Father taught me through a couple of his tender mercies. They came through the means of other people. Let me share a little of what happened.
One of my tender mercies came through my mom. She sent me an article written by another discouraged mother whose name is Kimberly Eyre. She said: “[We] are imperfect and so [are] our families. [We] mess up, let others down and fall short...One of the best messages of the gospel is that we can start over. We can try again to be a better ...parent, to make a better ...family.” “We need other women in our lives ...who can give us validation that ‘You’re doing just fine’, ‘I know it’s hard’, ‘Keep up the good work’.”
So it was with my other tender mercy. As I was struggling with my inadequacy as a mother, I had a really hard morning getting the kids out the door to school. After my older children had left, I had a knock on my door. It was a neighbor whom we’ve adopted as ‘grandma’. Although she stopped for something trivial, her timing couldn’t have been more perfect. She gave me good cheer and filled me up with optimism. Oh how we need one other.
These tender mercies helped me realize and remember that Satan’s tools are discouragement and pessimism. I was giving in to Satan’s plan. It knew this was a lesson I needed to learn and that I needed to share it with you today. I learned to be positive in a negative world we do not need to be perfect to be righteous.
And so it is true if we are ‘...of Good Cheer, then the Lord will lead [us] along’... I needed to trust in him, and let him guide me there. So as I have prepared for this workshop, I have--felt impressed—guided-- lead along if you may-- to turn to the scriptures which are filled with stories of mothers who were not perfect but were righteous. I have found there are applications in the lives of women who lived in another time but that we can apply to our lives today.
First, we must start with the Eve--‘the Mother of All Living’. Have you ever wondered why she is called ‘mother’ before she even had offspring. Sister Sheri Dew answered this when she said, “Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born... Motherhood is more than bearing children... It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.” We learn from Eve that we have a divine role to play on earth.
Another lesson we learn is that Eve was created because ‘it [was] not good for man to be alone’. From this, we can know that neither does God want us to face things alone. As we raise our children in righteousness, we have help! We always have the Spirit. We also have instructions from prophets and apostles to lean on. We have the scriptures to turn to. We have one another. We might also have husbands to share the responsibility of raising children. But if not, the Lord is aware of us. We are never alone.
We also know that Eve was the first to partake of the forbidden fruit. By so doing, Adam and Eve were cast from the Garden. They were cast from their world of bliss and placed into a world filled with ‘thorns and thistles and noxious weeds’. The world may view Eve’s action as a mistake. I am grateful that our church does not. Eve had determined that they could not progress unless they could learn good from evil. Eve teaches that sometimes we have to follow our impressions and take the hard road. In Moses 5:11, Eve said “Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed and never should have known good and evil, AND the joy of our redemption and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.” Sometimes we, as mothers, need to do the same. Doing the hard thing is not easy but just as Eve learned, if we do so then will we know the ‘joy’ that only God can give.
Through Eve’s experience, we learn that it is through our own experience that we may learn the good from the evil. I guess one way to say this is that sometimes we have to experience bad motherhood to know what it means to be good. Making mistakes is part of the plan as long as we learn from them.
Next, we need to include the woman our Heavenly Father chose to mother His Only Begotten. We need to talk about Mary, the mother of Jesus. The scriptures say that Mary had ‘found favour with God’. Have you ever wondered how you can ‘find favor with God’?! I have, so when the stake YM/YW performed ‘Savior of the World' in June, I received some insight. I loved their interpretation of Mary’s character. She was willing to submit to God’s plan without needing to understand it. As mothers, we should remember that God has a vested interest in our families and in our children. He knows our children better than we do. If we submit to God’s plan for our children, we will need to let go of knowing all the answers and trust in God.
And it was Mary who said ‘Behold the Handmaiden of the Lord’ and the ‘Lord hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden’. She was humble and teachable. Sometimes as mothers, we need to change our ways and be taught—by the Lord and by our children. My wise mom uses a phrase to help me decipher when it is time to change my ways. She asks ‘Is this a power struggle?’ That helps me know if I am being humble or if I just have to be right.
Lastly, Mary would ‘ponder things in her heart’ and allow the Lord to mold her. There is great strength in pondering over the events and spiritual experiences of our lives. When I ponder, I lean upon the Lord more and feel him guide me more. There are some great examples of mothers in the Book of Mormon. Sariah, mother of Nephi and Sam, is the first we read about. She showed great faith as she traded her home in Jerusalem for a tent in the wilderness. She supported her husband and probably played part in convincing Laman and Lemuel to come with them into the wilderness. However, we also know she complained when she was concerned about her children who had returned to Jerusalem for the plates. We learn from Sariah that in life, we will face trials, but we must not murmur. President Uchtdorf , in the recent Conference, reiterated this. He said: “Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see but which are true...True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life and trusting that one day we will.” If your trials come through your family, it is part of God’s plan for you. Be grateful and show faith, hope.
An amazing group of mothers in the Book of Mormon was the mothers who raised the stripling warriors. If we reflect on their whole story, we know these were the wives of the Ammonites that buried their weapons of war. They showed great faith as they supported their husbands going out to meet their enemy, defenseless. Although many of them widowed, these mothers raised their children in righteousness. The scriptures state that their sons [and we assume their daughters] were ‘firm and undaunted...that they did obey and observe to perform every command with exactness’. And... ‘they did put their trust in God continually’ (Alma 57:20-21, 27). We know that these mothers—many single mothers--did offer their young sons to go to battle.
‘[These sons] did not fear death but thought more upon the liberty of their fathers [and mothers]’ and they knew that ‘God would deliver them’ (Alma 56:47). They said to their commander ‘we do not doubt our mothers knew it’ (Alma 56:48). Sisters, the greatest gift we can give our children next to the gift of life is to share our testimony and to teach our children with great faith. The Prophet Joseph Smith said that the purpose of parenthood is to ‘stir up the faith of our children... to feel after God’ (Lectures on Faith 2).
Turning to modern scripture—the Doctrine & Covenants, we have the example of Emma Smith, wife of the Prophet Joseph Smith. In a revelation to Emma, the Lord praises her for ‘being faithful and walking in the paths of virtue’ and he calls her an ‘elect lady’ (D&C 25). He counsels her to ‘lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better’ (v. 10). This advice is applicable for us. We all know what ‘things of the world’ that take our time away from becoming women and mothers who walk in paths of virtue. Sisters—we cannot take these things with us. We must lay them aside and seek things of a better world. These are things that we can take with us. The Lord also instructs Emma (and us) to ‘lift up thy heart and rejoice and cleave unto the covenants which [she] had made’ (v.13). If we ‘lift up our hearts’, we are--in other words-- ‘being of good cheer’. We can be a positive force for good. The Lord instructs us that we can be positive if we ‘cleave to our covenants’ made at baptism and at the temple.
The women in the scriptures are excellent examples of mothers who were not perfect but were righteous. Their stories give us tools on how we can be strong mothers in our day. Here is a quick synopsis of the applications I have found in these stories. (Perhaps you have picked up on As Mothers we need to:
• Recognize our divine role as mothers
• Remember you are not alone (Spirit, husbands, church leaders, friends, neighbors)
• Trust your impressions, do the hard thing
• Learn from your own experiences, good and bad
• Be humble, teachable, & willing to submit to God’s plan (even if taught by our children)
• Ponder things in your heart
• As you face trials, do not murmur (Be grateful in your circumstances)
• In addition to the gift of life, give the gift of testimony and great faith
• Lay aside the things of the world and seek the things of a better (spend less time on ????)
• Cleave unto your covenants made at baptism and at the temple
I am grateful for the stories in the scriptures and the messages contained in them. We are so fortunate to live in a time when we have scriptures so accessible to us. The scriptures are tools for us to help us through this life. I feel that someday we will be accountable for how well we used the resources made available to us. I love the women in the scriptures. They are so real to me. I look forward to the day when I can meet them and thank them for the examples they gave me to help me become a righteous After putting this bullet list together, I thought of a picture my parents gave me years before I was a wife or mother. It is called the ‘Responsible Woman’ by James C. Christensen. As you can see, this woman is ‘responsible’ and has a load to carry. On her back, she carries her many responsibilities and talents such as homemaking, music, art, and education. Included with these is a compass by which she can determine how to prioritize her responsibilities. She carries a clock that has no hands to show she gives of herself endlessly. Nestled in her arms—close to her heart, she carries a baby. This woman carries before her a candle of light. She even has a reserve of candles because she is responsible throughout the night. Most importantly, she looks optimistically forward in her responsibilities being led by light or inspiration from God. This picture currently resides in my ‘laundry/sewing/project’ room. I put it there because it lifts me when I feel my duties piling high. It reminds me to put things in perspective. One of my favorite parts of this picture is how the baby is placed in front of her—nestled next to her heart. The baby is not placed on her back with her other ‘responsibilities’.
This part of the picture is important to me because of an experience I had. When my children were younger, I had a dream that I regard as the Lord’s counsel to me. In my dream, my children and I were at a park with a merry-go-round (the kind you push around and around). We went over to the merry-go-round, my children got on, and I started pushing. As I pushed, I noticed my children getting older and older, passing milestones in their lives. The merry-go-round got faster and faster and I realized that I would not be able to get on and join my kids. I was too preoccupied in doing the mundane task of pushing the merry-go-round. I woke up from this dream saddened that I was not enjoying the ride of life with my children. The Lord was telling me to put my children next to my heart and not carry them on my back.
Another experience I felt I needed to share was something that happened this past summer. It was the second week out of school. We had moved past the chaos of everything goes and we were back into a semi-regular routine. I was trying to implement a summer work schedule with fun rewards when they finished their jobs. After a tiresome week, we were all grumpy and the jobs weren’t done. I wasn’t feeling much love for them or from them. In my frustration, I got on my knees and kind of complained to God. Then a thought came into my head that I don’t think could have come from me. I felt more than thought we needed to remember why we love one another. We needed to have fun together again. In a way, it was like I needed to ‘court or date’ my children again. It was a good reminder that although I am the ‘responsible woman’, there is a time for all things. We needed to put aside the work, shut the doors to friends, and just have fun as a family. Although the work wasn’t done, we played games in our pajamas til late afternoon. It helped us love one another again and a positive/cheerful spirit returned to our home.
Sisters it is important that despite our heavy load—we are not too hard on ourselves. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland called Motherhood—‘an Eternal Partnership with God’. What a excellent description of motherhood. Elder Holland gave us a few more things to think about. Here is another video clip:
Watch ‘Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God’
I should have warned you to bring out the Kleenex for that one. I seem to always cry during this video because I have felt as the young mother in this clip. Perhaps many of you have felt that way too. Motherhood is hard. It is unheralded and unappreciated work. However, Elder Holland reminds us that it is worth it. His words encourage me to ‘be of good cheer...as I love and teach my And so we must. In the Primary song ‘The Family is of God’, the chorus states: ‘God gave us Families to help us become what he wants us to be.’ Our families provide a way for us to discover our strengths and weaknesses. There is no other place than in a home with a family that we can learn such things as service, unselfishness, compassion, repentance, forgiveness, love and charity. God wants us to discover and refine these divine attributes. Families are the tools that mold us into the people God would have us be. And who does he want us to be? He has chosen us--saved us--to be mothers in this day—‘the last leg of a race that began with Adam and Eve’ (Sheri Dew). He knows we can be a powerful force for good in these turbulent times. As mothers, we can make a difference by the positive influence we can have in our children’s world. We are the ‘secret-weapon’ in God’s army. We can raise His Army to stand steadfast and to be strong in the Last days, in the final battle between Good and Evil. Once again, we need to be of Good Cheer, to be Positive, to have faith and to allow him to lead us along. If we do so, we will see His arm revealed AND things will work out. I testify to you that if you apply these teachings—taught to us from apostles, prophets, and righteous mothers in the scriptures, you shall know true joy and peace. I testify that you and your children will be blessed for generations to come. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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